"I was jist tryin' ta get one ta love me and care 'bout me. I thought that was how I could get one ta do it. And then I went ta live with the reverend and I thought now I got someone who wants ta love me, so I didn't complain when he started ta come inta my room and touch me. I even thought he would love me becuz I was havin' his child, but all he wanted ta do was pay me off and get me outta his house.
"Then I went ta Nashville, but it was always the same. Men didn't want ta love me, not like they love you, Heaven. My brothas and sistas never wanted nothin' to do with me. Ya didn't. Don't say ya did jist because ya came ta see me once and sent me some money. I even called Luke a couple times, but ya know what?" she said, her tears flowing freely now. "He only asked 'bout you. Yes, jist 'bout you. I was hopin' he'd a wanted me ta come live with him and his new wife, but he neva said nothin' like that.
"So I married Ole Mallory, but he was too old ta love me like a man should love a woman. Afterward, there were a lotta men around all the time, but I neva had a steady beaux I liked until I found sweet Randall. Now he's somewhere thinkin"bout it jus"cause I lied to him. No one loves me like men love you.
"Even Drake, even now, likes ya more than he likes me, no matter what things I tell him. I kin see it."
She turned away again and we were both silent, except for the sound of our sobbing.
"You can't force people to love you, Fanny," I said through my tears. "You try too hard; you demand it before they have a chance to give it. You've got to have more trust and let it happen naturally."
She shook her head.
"You have a child coming, just like I do," I said, swallowing the tightness out of my throat. "And no one's going to take this one away from you. You'll have a ch
ance to love your baby and your baby will love you. You'll learn from that, Fanny. You'll see that love develops slowly, and that the love that does develop slowly is a stronger love.
"But keeping Drake and trying to force him to love you just so you'll have someone love you more than he loves me is not going to make you happy. You'll see. I'm sorry," I added almost under my breath. "I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for Darcy; I'm sorry I left you in Nashville and ignored you so long, and I'm sorry for what it has all done to you and for what you have become."
I stood up, but she didn't look at me.
"Good-bye, Fanny," I cried and started for the front door.
"Heaven."
I turned slowly, wiping my tears away with a small handkerchief.
"I'll take the million and you can have Drake," she said.
Drake was sitting on his bed in Fanny's house, his little hands folded in his lap. He looked up when I came to the doorway, and I saw that although his face was filled with confusion, he was happy to see me. There was a warmth in his eyes that betrayed his inner feelings.
"Hi, Drake. Can I take you home with me again?" I smiled through my tears. He didn't answer right away; he leaned over to see if Fanny was standing right behind me. "I know that you've gone through a confusing time here, but it's all over now. You'll come back to Hasbrouck House and your room and your toys. Logan's waiting for us," I added, when he didn't move. "And all the new friends you've made and Mr. Appleberry ."
"Fanny said you hated my daddy," he said, his face tightening with hesitation.
"I didn't hate him, Drake. I loved him, only I never thought he loved me. We had a very hard life when we were your age." I knelt down beside him and took his hands into mine. "Sometimes, it's not easy to love someone even though you want to very much."
"Why?" He looked skeptical, but his curiosity beyond his years made me smile I thought about Luke and I thought about Troy and I thought about Tony, and how their love for me and my love for them had gotten twisted and lost.
"Because they don't let you love them. They're afraid of it or they're afraid of their own feelings. I hope it will be easy for you to love, Drake. I know it's going to be easy for me to love you."
He studied me for a long moment. I could almost hear his little mind working.
"Why is it so hard?" he asked, shrugging his little shoulders. I laughed and hugged him.
"Oh, it shouldn't be hard. You're right, honey. It should be easy to love and hard to hate. Let's make it that way forever and ever between us, okay?"
He nodded and I stood up, still holding his hand.
"Are we going now?" he asked.
"Yes, honey."
We walked out to the living room, where Fanny sat curled up on her couch. Drake stared at her in
anticipation.
"Yer goin' ta go live with Heaven after all, Drake, honey. She's got a bigger house and servants and kin take better care a ya, but I'll still see ya from time ta time. Jus' be a good boy and don't fergit yer sista Fanny," she added and held out her arms. Drake looked up at me before going to her and I nodded.