Gates of Paradise (Casteel 4)

"Oh, of course." He sat down beside me and took my hand into his. "Poor Annie. I miss them, too. Sometimes, when I get a break for an hour or so, I think maybe I should call Heaven, and then I remember all that's happened."

"I keep hoping this is all just a dream, Drake; and I'll wake up and you'll be coming home from college to see me."

He nodded. Then he leaned over and kissed me warmly on the cheek, but so close to my lips that the corners of our mouths touched. He seemed embarrassed. I noticed that he was wearing a different cologne, a scent I had recognized as Tony's cologne.

"Hey," he said quickly, "if you don't eat, they'll blame me and never let me bring you a meal again."

I spooned some more soup and took a bite of the sandwich.

"Have you seen or spoken to Luke? You heard about his wonderful graduation speech, didn't you?"

"Yes. Mark Downing told me. He was in Boston and caste by to see me. He said everyone was shocked when Luke referred to Logan as his father, even though they all knew it to be true."

"I'm so proud of him. Aren't you?" He nodded. "But Drake, haven't you spoken with him since? You called him to congratulate him, didn't you?"

"Frankly, Annie, I wasn't in the mood to congratulate anyone for anything. I've been keeping myself as busy as I can just so I don't think about things."

I nodded softly, understanding what he meant.

"So you haven't spoken to him at all?"

"I spoke with him briefly yesterday, after he arrived at Harvard."

"He arrived at Harvard! Oh, then he's nearby and he'll come to visit or he'll call Tony. Maybe he's called already."

Drake's eyes darkened and the lines in his mouth tightened.

"You have to give him time to get settled in. It's quite a thing to arrive at college. There's mountains of this to do, forms to fill out, arrangements to make. He was so excited about it all, and he's making so many new friends at his dorm. Dorms are coed now, you know. Some of his new friends will be girls. You should expect that he will find a real girlfriend someday."

My heart sank. A real girlfriend? Someone who would replace me as the person to whom he trusted his most intimate and secret thoughts, someone with whom he would share dreams--and that someone wouldn't be me. In my secret heart I knew this would happen someday, but I wouldn't listen to the voices whispering the warnings, and now Drake was telling me in his usual nonchalant manner that Luke would fall in love with someone else and go on to live happily ever after somewhere else. What's more, perhaps my condition would speed it all since I wouldn't be there for him. I'd be stuck here, crippled and alone.

I shifted my eyes quickly so Drake couldn't read my thoughts.

"Oh, of course, but I'm sure as soon as he gets free . . ."

"You know," Drake said. He was so eager to change the subject, it made me nervous. "Now that you're not going to be able to travel through Europe, you should think about your education, too. I think we should arrange for you to have a tutor so that you could pick up a college credit or two while you're recuperating. As long as the doctors approve, of course." He looked about the room. "You might just be terribly bored otherwise."

"That's a good idea."

"I'll speak to Tony about it."

"Why don't you just take care of it for me, Drake. Talk to people at Harvard. Have me tutored in one of the courses Luke's going to take. That way, when he comes by, we can go over the work together." It would make it less boring for Luke to come here, too, I thought.

"I'll see what I can do. You must not

underestimate the power and influence of a man like Tony. True, he's kept himself out of things for quite a while, permitting managers to run his toy empire, but everywhere I go in Boston," he added, smiling and straightening his back and shoulders with pride, "they have heard of the Tattertons. Just the mention of the name opens doors and sets people scurrying about, treating me as if I were a millionaire myself.

"And there is so much a man like Tony can teach me," he continued, going on like a runaway car downhill. "His wisdom comes from experience and not just books. He knows whom to see, how to handle people, what to say, especially when it comes to negotiations." He laughed. "I bet he's a great poker player."

"That's wonderful, Drake. I'm glad you're happy with him. Tell me, though," I said, putting the remainder of my sandwich aside, "does he ever talk about my mother and about the things that happened between them?"

"Oh no. And I don't ask. If Heaven's name comes up, his face brightens and he mentions only happy, wonderful things. Maybe it's best we just let sleeping dogs lie. Why bring about any more unpleasantness? Think of it this way, Annie," he added quickly, "what good will it do anyone now?"

"I'm not insisting on anything like that right now, Drake; but I can't stay here without knowing these things. Sometimes," I said, shifting my eyes to the bed, "I feel as if I've betrayed Mommy by letting Tony do all that he has done for me."

"Oh, Annie, that's nonsense. If anything, Heaven would have wanted you to have the best possible recovery. She would never resent anything that was good for you. She loved you too much."

"I hope you're right, Drake."