Gates of Paradise (Casteel 4)

"So there's no reason not to continue trying to walk?"

"Not that I can tell. Just don't try to do too much and get yourself exhausted. Your body will be the best judge of that. I'll return soon as I get the information from Boston. Welcome home, Annie. I'm sure you'll be better soon."

"Thank you, Doctor." He saw the tears in my eyes and his face became fatherly, soft, his smile widening and his eyes brightening with love and concern.

"You know how I felt about your parents and how I feel about you. You've got to get strong now; you're going to have many new responsibilities." He pinched my cheek gently, the way he always did, and left.

Soon after, Luke swept into the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, turning about to leave again. "I thought they had gotten you up and about for breakfast."

"Now, Luke Casteel, you come right back here, pull up a chair and tell me everything you've done since I've been at Farthy. I want to hear all about your college experiences . . . especially about girlfriends." I remembered what he had told me on the plane, how he had been worrying about me so much he had kept to himself most of the time, but I also remembered Drake's stories and I had to hear it from Luke.

"Girlfriends?" He stepped back in and came closer to my bed. "When you mentioned girlfriends before, I didn't understand."

"Didn't you meet anyone special right away?" I questioned.

"Hardly. Between orientation, gathering books and materials, organizing my dorm room . . . and trying to get to see you, I didn't have time for much socializing."

"But I thought . . Drake came to see you once, didn't he?" My heart was pounding now. Was Luke lying so I wouldn't feel bad? Should I force him to tell me the truth?"

"He came, for about ten minutes. I was in the dorm lounge reading," he said nonchalantly.

"By yourself?" I pursued. I was like a glutton for punishment, demanding to hear what I knew would break my heart.

"There were other students there, but we had hardly gotten to know one another. I told you, I was so concerned about you, I--"

"Drake thought you knew someone very well," I blurted out.

Luke looked t confused. "Really? I didn't think he thought anything. He babbled about your condition, the need for you to be kept quiet and undisturbed, and then rushed off on some business errand, promising to keep in touch. I called him a number of times, and each time, his secretary told me he was out or involved in a meeting. I called Tony's office and usually met with the same response. Finally I called Farthy itself and spoke with Mrs. Broadfield. And as you now know, she wasn't encouraging.

"But I was so happy when my roommate gave me your phone message. Then . . . when Tony turned me away, I nearly knocked him over and rushed in anyway. All that kept me from doing it was fear of causing more trouble for you. Thank God my mother got that call and was on her way. Now tell me, what was all that about between you and Tony when we left Farthy, that confusion he spoke about?"

"Oh, Luke, it was painful, horrible and disgusting. I felt so helpless, so victimized, and what has added pain to it now is the knowledge that most of it didn't have to happen, that what I thought was being done as therapy or as good medical treatment was part of the madness I was surrounded by. have nightmares forever!" I cried.

"No you won't, because when those bad memories return, be here to drive them away," he promised, his eyes small and determined. "But tell me some of it. It might help to talk about it."

"Oh, Luke, it was so embarrassing, and now that I know some of the sick reasons for some of it, I feel dirtied and defiled." I shook myself to shake off the feelings and thoughts.

Luke took my hand into his. "Oh, Annie, what sort of things did he do?"

"He made me undress in front of him, and he insisted he help me with my bath."

Luke's face froze in astonishment.

"I couldn't resist him. There was no one to call to, no one to help me, and he seemed so . . . fatherly at the time. I let him wash my back, I let him . . . Oh, Luke, it's disgusting to think about it now." I covered my face with my hands. He slipped beside me on the bed and embraced me, holding me close to him and stroking my hair. Then he kissed my forehead and I lifted my face toward his.

"I'm so angry at myself for not coming to rescue you sooner."

"There was no way for you to know," I said. "But you were with me, helping me. During the darkest, most painful and lonely moments, I thought about you. Oh, Luke, I feel so secure with you, so safe again." Our faces were so close. We gazed deeply into each other's eyes. "I know it's not fair. I shouldn't make these demands on you and keep you from having a real girlfriend, but--"

He put his finger on my lips.

"Don't say anything else, Annie. I'm happy being . . . being with you."

He kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes, waiting, hoping, expecting his lips would press against mine, but he didn't do it. My body tingled in anticipation. I felt the blush come into my neck. My breast was pressed against his arm.

"Oh, Luke, I can't help feeling this way about you," I whispered.