Gates of Paradise (Casteel 4)

. As we started for the airport, I couldn't help imagining what it would have been like for us to be going to a plane that would take us on our honeymoon. What if we defied Fate and defied everyone and ran off to get married? This would have been our most romantic and loving journey. Airline attendants and other passengers would have looked at us snuggled beside each other and smiled to themselves, thinking how wonderful young love could be, how it opened the world and made life dazzling, exciting, hopeful, and warm.

When I looked into Luke's face now as he helped me into the car taking us to the airport, I couldn't help but think we did belong together. How tragic and quick life could be, I thought. Look at what had happened to my parents; look at the agony Tony had lived through. Why shouldn't we choose happiness?

During the ride to the airport in Virginia and the Plight itself, I debated whether or not I should tell Luke about the letter I had found in the toy cottage.

Luke had been very polite, almost formal during the journey so far. I knew he was acting this way in order to build a wall between his feelings and me, but it was a torment for both of us. We quickly ran out of small talk, and every time his eyes met mine, our hearts thumped so hard both our faces became crimson. The passion within us wouldn't be denied. It would be easier to harness the ocean tide or smother the lightning that streaked across the summer sky.

Because what happened between Troy and Mommy seemed so similar to what was happening between Luke and me, I thought he had a right to know and to understand what they had suffered. Surely it would help him appreciate why Mommy was so fearful about our relationship.

I began by reminding him of the toy cottage, and then I described my discovery. When I recited some of Troy's words, tears appeared in the corners of his dark sapphire eyes.

"I can under-Stand his loneliness and why he wanted to drop out of the world and live by himself on the other side of the maze," Luke said. "I feel the same way."

"No, Luke. You can't deny your life the way he has denied his. You must go on to become a doctor like you dreamed you would and find someone you can love cleanly, wholely, without guilt of any kind. You deserve it."

"And you?"

"I'll do the same. . . ."

"You're not a good liar, Annie. Your blue eyes

betray you."

"Well, I'm going to try," I insisted.

He s

miled that smile of Casteel arrogance,

Drake's smile, too.

"Luke Toby Casteel, you don't know

everything."

After my reprimand, his face became soft, sad,

like a little boy's face.

"I know what I feel in my heart and what you

feel in yours, and I know what that means." "I'm going to try anyway, and so should you," I

repeated in a smaller voice. I turned away from him so

he wouldn't see my tears. Luke dozed on and off for

the remainder of the trip and I stared out the window

at the tiny houses and highways below, once again

wishing we lived in a Tatterton toy world where

fantasies could come true.

At the airport in Boston we rented a car and

began the drive to Farthy. I couldn't help but remember Tony's excitement during my first journey to Farthy after I had been released from the hospital. He was so happy and eager to help me. How could I have ever anticipated what was soon to pass? Perhaps if Mommy had had a chance to tell me more about her