"I absolutely insist. Besides," she added smiling, "I have so many nice things I bought in Europe to show you and I want to tell you all about the spa and the people I met." Her smile evaporated.
"I was very upset when Tony told me you revealed my true age to him, Leigh, but I can forgive you because it doesn't seem to matter to him as much as I feared it would. He really is a wonderful man. But I won't be able to forgive you if you keep up this . . this performance. So please, get yourself together and be down for dinner." She relaxed again and sighed deeply.
"Oh, there's nothing like coming home after a long trip," she sang and left me.
Home? Had she just referred to Farthinggale Manor as home? Hell was the better word! I stared at the spot Momma had just vacated. What had just happened? Was I dreaming? Was I trapped in another nightmare? Momma REFUSED to believe me. Instead of helping me she stayed behind the glass walls of her vain and shallow world, obsessed only with herself. HERSELF! Gone was the Momma I had always loved and adored, replaced by the stranger from my nightmare. I turned to my portrait doll.
"Oh Angel," I cried. "If only you could talk. You're the only witness."
But somehow, I thought, even if Angel could talk, Momma would find a way not to believe.
She either didn't want to or didn't care. For me, it was one and the same.
eighteen CONFRONTATIONS
. I got up and dressed to go down to dinner. Even though I had eaten very little all day, I had no appetite, but I stupidly hoped that somehow I might still get Momma to see the truth. All she had to do was take a good look at my face, I thought. I had little enthusiasm when it came to brushing out my hair. It reflected my inner feelings, looking dull, drab and listless. I saw the fatigue and the emotional exhaustion in my eyes. With drooping shoulders, I left my suite and descended the stairway.
To my surprise Momma was already at the table with Tony. I heard their laughter as I approached the dining room. As soon as I entered, they stopped and turned my way. Tony glanced at my mother and then smiled at me.
"Leigh, feeling better?" he asked, turning his face into a mask of fatherly concern.
I said nothing. I went to my seat and spread my napkin on my lap, feeling the weight of their eyes on me.
"I was just telling Tony," my mother began, her voice light and cheery, "about the Walston twins. You remember them, I'm sure. I've mentioned them before. They're from Boston and their daddy has this estate home in Hyannis as well. One of their legs equals my entire body. The Walrus twins is what all of us at the spa called them. To see them in the steam room when they sat together!" she said throwing her head back and laughing. "I mean, every woman there felt twenty pounds thinner the moment she looked at them.
"Anyway, the funniest part of all this is when it came time for them to leave, it was discovered that they had both gained five pounds apiece instead of losing. Seems they were smuggling in cakes and fudge from the nearby village. Can you imagine spending all that money and gaining five pounds?"
Tony shook his head and laughed along with her. I couldn't believe how happy they seemed. Nothing I had said to Momma had taken hold. The rest of the evening continued this way. Momma told story after story about the rich women at the spa. Tony was a perfect audience, laughing at anything she said that was meant to be funny, growing serious when she grew serious.
After she finished criticizing her fellow dieters, Tony went on and on about the success of the portrait dolls. Every once in a while, my mother would turn to me and widen her eyes to express her amazement and try to force an expression of appreciation out of me. But I refused to give in to her wishes. This once my wants and needs just had to come first. I knew what had happened to me was important, shattering. It broke my heart that she could shut out my pain so easily.
"I'd like you to see some of the things I bought in Switzerland, Leigh," my mother declared after coffee was served. "They're in the blue room. I brought an expensive gift home for you, too."
She rose to tell Curtis something as she left the dining room, and Tony and I got up as well. On the way out behind her, Tony took hold of my right arm at the elbow to keep me back so she couldn't hear what he had to say.
"I just want you to know, Leigh, that I don't harbor any resentment toward you for what you told Jillian. She and I understand how it is with a girl who is literally exploding into womanhood." He smiled, his blue eyes soft and forgiving. His casual tone of voice was maddening. For a moment a lump came to choke my throat. I swallowed hard and bit down even harder on my tongue.
"Coming, Leigh?" Mamma called.
"Yes," I said and then I spun on him with fury. I allowed my eyes to meet his, sending fire and hate. A flame of anger shot through my chest. With ice in my words, I spoke. "You might have fooled her for the moment, but in time, she will believe me, for someone like you can't hide what he really is forever."
He shook his head with a look of pity on his face that only infuriated me more.
"I had hoped now that Ethan has returned, you would have a different attitude, but I can see everything they tell me about bringing up teenage girls nowadays is true. Nevertheless, I want you to know that I will always be understanding and sympathetic and never ridicule you."
"You're despicable," I said behind clenched teeth. He continued to smile. Then he tried to take my arm to walk out with me, but I pulled away. "Don't touch me. Don't you ever try to touch me again."
He nodded and gestured toward the entryway. I hurriedly joined my mother. Tony didn't follow us into the blue room where Momma had piled her purchases. I sat on the settee and watched as she unpacked sweaters, blouses, skirts and leather belts. She had bought works of art, small sculptures, jewelry boxes and ivory hand Mirrors. She gave me an elegant gold watch with diamonds. Every item had a story that went along with it, how she discovered it, what the store was like, what the other women thought when she bought it. She bragged about how the others followed her about, doing whatever she did, buying whatever she bought.
"I found myself suddenly thrown into the role of guide," she boasted. "Can you imagine? All these terribly wealthy and well-traveled women depending on me to tell them what was chic, what was real art, and what was a good buy. Really, I should have taken a commission." She paused and looked at me as if for the first time.
"You do look a little tired, Leigh. You should get some sun tomorrow. You shouldn't lock yourself up in your suite like that. It's not healthy. The air could be stifling and stale and that kind of air can do unbelievable damage to your skin. I had long discussions with experts at this wonderful spa," she said quickly before I could interrupt. "Did you ever notice that Swiss women have such perfect
complexions? Some of it is a result of their diets," she continued as if I were a student in a class, "and some of it is because of their exercises, their fresh air, their steam baths and mudpacks.
"I've already asked Tony to have a steam room built in my bathroom," she concluded.
"Momma, I look this way because I went through a terrible experience. If you will just listen to me, really listen .....