“To where?”
“The stables to look at the horses.”
“Go on,” she said. “Don’t make me pull teeth, either, Semantha. Just come out with it.”
My throat closed up. I felt as if I were suddenly standing naked. Why did I have to tell her all this?
“Nothing happened!” I cried. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
I leaped off the bed and charged out of her room, but my heart was thumping so hard when I went into mine that I thought I would faint. Quickly, I went into my bathroom and locked the door. For a while, I just stood there, looking at myself in the mirror. Then I undressed, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. When I came out, I thought I would just go right to sleep. For a moment, I didn’t see her. I got my nightgown out and put it on and pulled back my blanket, and then she stepped out of the left corner where she had been standing the whole time watching me. I nearly jumped out of my own skin.
“Cassie, I’m tired!” I cried. “It’s very late.”
She didn’t speak. She stepped toward me. “Get into bed,” she said. “Go on.”
I crawled under my covers, and she sat on my bed and fixed the blanket around my neck and shoulders the way Mother always fixed it. Then she stroked my hair just like Mother, too.
“Poor Semantha,” she said. “Your first bad sexual experience.”
I turned away.
“It’s so much better if you talk about it, Semantha. It’s like eating heavy food before you sleep. It will lie on you all night. He took you somewhere where he could be alone with you, and then what?”
“I think I got him angry because I was so nervous about being alone with him.”
“I’m not concerned about his being angry, Semantha. Actually, his being angry tells me quite a bit about him. What exactly did he do? I’m sure he tried to kiss you, right?”
I nodded.
“And you like him, so you kissed him back. We already expected that.”
What we? I wanted to say. It was me, me! I was alone with Kent, not we.
“And the kissing was exciting,” she continued, “and he got excited because you were being so … what shall we say … cooperative? That’s a signal for boys. What did he try then? Did he try to get under your dress? What?”
“No. He just …”
“Just what, Semantha?”
“Brought his hands around over my breasts.”
She nodded. “Of course he did. And what did you do? Did you moan and groan?”
“No, Cassie. I jumped up.”
“And that’s what made him angry?”
“Yes.”
She smiled, and then she grew serious again. “How did you feel, Semantha? I mean, how did you really feel?”
“I felt bad.”
“Because you wanted him to touch you, right?”
“No. Well, maybe, but I felt bad because he was so upset. I felt like I had tricked him.”
“That is exactly how boys want you to feel. Exactly,” she said, and stood up to pace as she talked. “They get you feeling guilty for being sensible, for being cautious. These days, boys think if you smile at them, you want to go to bed with them immediately, and if you prove otherwise, they accuse you of being a tease.