“He’s put her on some tranquilizers, so she’ll seem sort of out there to you right now. Ignore it. Don’t try too hard to get her to be talkative and energetic.”
“Does Daddy know all this?”
“Of course. He was here, too, and he and I and Dr. Moffet had a conference afterward. Is that my schoolwork?” she asked, nodding at the packet in my hands.
“Oh, yes.”
She took it. “It will amuse me for a while,” she said.
“Should I go up to her now?”
“Why not? There’s no nurse telling you when you can see your mother anymore.”
She walked off toward Daddy’s office. I watched her for a moment and then started up the stairs. I really didn’t understand everything Cassie was saying. How does someone who is psychologically ill get better? Surely not by simply taking tranquilizers. We had to find ways to get Mother to think about other things now. We had to bring joy back into her life somehow. We—
I stopped dead in my tracks and stared.
The door of the refurbished and redecorated nursery, the door that Cassie had made sure would be locked so Mother wouldn’t be reminded often of what she had lost, was slightly ajar. It had been opened. But why? Why? And why had it been left open?
I went on to Mother’s bedroom. She looked as if she hadn’t moved an inch from where she had been when I had visited her in the morning. Her eyes were closed, and she wore an expression of utter sorrow, the sort of expression someone has moments before she begins to cry. I went right to her and took her hand.
“I’m home, Mother,” I said.
Her eyelids fluttered and then opened, but not fully. “Oh, Semantha. Was I asleep?”
“I think so.”
“Is it morning?”
“No, Mother. It’s afternoon. I just returned from school.”
“Yes,” she said. “School. I must have been dreaming, then, dreaming I could hear Asa crying.”
I was still holding her hand, but I froze. How could she dream that? He had never been born. I didn’t know what to say.
“It came from right across the hall, from the nursery, the beautiful new nursery.”
“Like you said, it was just a dream, Mother. Don’t think about it.”
“Yes, don’t think about it,” she repeated. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, it was as though she thought I had just entered. “Oh, Semantha. I just realized what you said. You’re home from school.”
“I’m home, Mother. What can I get you?”
“Nothing. I’m resting. Dr. Moffet says I should rest. How’s your father?”
“He’s at work, Mother. Remember, the new store opening?”
“Yes, at work … the new …”
She closed her eyes again and blew air through her lips. The way she was behaving frightened me. I put her hand down gently and quietly left the room, walking to the stairway with my head down, my tears stuck in my throat. Then I hurried down to Cassie, who was reading from a cookbook in the kitchen.
“Cassie, she’s acting so strange.”
She kept reading as if I hadn’t spoken and then put the cookbook down slowly and turned to me.
“Didn’t I tell you, warn you, that she was on tranquilizers? I told you she would be that way. Don’t you listen when I speak?”
“Yes, but …”