No, I thought. First, I have to wash my face and brush my hair. I was not fit to talk to anyone yet, even on the phone. When I left my room, I glanced into the master bedroom before going downstairs. Daddy had put a cold washcloth on Mother’s forehead. She was lying with her eyes closed, and he was standing and looking down at her. He sensed me in the doorway.
“Did you call Dr. Bloom?” he asked.
“Oh, I thought you were going to call. I’ll call now,” I said. “His cell number is on the kitchen wall next to the phone.”
Of course, he knew that, but I felt I should say it so he’d know that not that much had changed in our home since he had left. I nearly bounced down the stairs and, after first preparing the coffeepot, called Dr. Bloom. As soon as he answered, I said, “My mother fainted in the hallway almost as soon as she got up.” I didn’t even tell him who I was. Of all his patients, who else would be fainting in a hallway this early in the morning?
“Did she get hurt?”
“I think my father grabbed her fast enough, but she’s still like unconscious or something.”
“I’ll stop by on my way to my office,” he said. “Was there any news about your sister?”
“Nothing yet, but it’s early,” I told him. “I’m trying not to think about it. I feel sick, too.”
“I’m on my way,” he said.
Just as I hung up, Daddy appeared. “She’s sleeping again. What did the doctor say?”
“He’s on his way. I have coffee going. I don’t think I can eat anything, Daddy. All I want to do is cry. There’s never been a morning when I didn’t see Kaylee as soon as I woke up.”
“I know. I’m not hungry, either, but we should eat something. We’ve got to stay strong,” he said.
Stay strong, stay strong. It was becoming a chant. I was sure I would hear it echoing in every room. It was as if he and the whole house knew that there was only bad news coming and we’d better get our bodies ready to receive a very hard blow. He sank into a kitchenette chair as if his body had lost all its bones. He kept his gaze on the floor. I thought he was avoiding looking at me, and I thought I might know why.
When he looked at me, he couldn’t help but see Kaylee, too, or maybe because he didn’t see her, he felt sick to his stomach. Was it like looking at someone who had lost an appendage? Would everyone look at me the same way for at least the first few days or weeks? Maybe everything in the house would feel half used, handicapped. The p
lates and silverware normally for her would expect to be placed on the table and cry out to me, What about me? My one place setting would look awkward, and her empty chair would haunt us all. What a strange feeling to have about your own home and everything in it. It hadn’t felt as bad as this when Daddy had left, maybe because Mother wouldn’t let that feeling in the front door. She even removed his chairs from the dining room and the kitchenette. I avoided walking where they would be, as if there was a gaping hole in the floor.
“We might as well get an update,” Daddy said, with a tone of defeat and disaster in his voice. He rose and called the police department, identifying himself and asking for Lieutenant Cowan. He was transferred to the detective’s cell phone. I didn’t think they would be on duty this early, but apparently they were.
Daddy listened for so long that I was sure they had found out something important. “Okay, thanks,” he finally said, and hung up.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing yet. There was one potential witness who said he saw a young girl in front of an out-of-business coffee shop when he drove by. He lives in the neighborhood. From the description he gave, which wasn’t much, they think it could have been Kaylee. They are swamping the immediate area in hopes of finding another witness who might have seen more. At least they’ve centered on an area, if that was her.”
“Every time I think about it, about her being with someone like that, I get sick to my stomach,” I said. We heard the doorbell.
“That must be Dr. Bloom,” Daddy said.
I sat sipping my coffee. When I heard them go up the stairs, I went to the freezer and took out one of the doughnuts Mother had frozen for a future dessert. She hated us eating sweets for breakfast, but she wasn’t here to see. I put it in the microwave, and as soon as it was heated, I practically gobbled it down. I was still a little hungry, but I heard them coming back downstairs. They paused to look in on me.
“How is she?” I asked quickly.
“She’ll rest. I don’t want you getting yourself sick now,” Dr. Bloom told me. “Your dad and mom need you to help. Make sure you eat, hear?”
I nodded. “But I can’t right now, Dr. Bloom. My stomach feels too weak. I’ll just throw up what I eat.”
“Eat small portions frequently,” he said.
“What about Mother? She has to eat something.”
“The doctor’s giving her smaller dosages of a tranquilizer for now. I’ll see if I can get her to eat in a few hours or so,” Daddy said.
“Call me if there are any changes,” Dr. Bloom said. He nodded at me, and then Daddy followed him to the door, where they spoke some more.
Daddy returned to the kitchen and made some toast for us and poured himself a fresh cup of coffee.