“Finish and clean up,” Mother ordered. “I’ve decided to put on some lipstick and mascara. I won’t turn into a ghost of myself. That would be exactly what your father would like to see.”
She marched out of the kitchen as if she was going upstairs to take her better self out of the closet. As soon as she was too far away to hear us, Haylee burst out, “She’ll never let us go on a date again now.”
“Relax,” I said. “She’ll calm down after this is over.”
“It’ll never be over.” She sat back, pouting.
I began to clear the table and wash the pan. “Empty the coffee pot, and clean it out,” I ordered in Mother’s voice.
She groaned and began to help. Then we went up to prepare to go shopping. Before I stepped out again, my phone rang. It was Matt.
“Did you pass inspection last night?”
“Barely,” I said. Before he could ask, I thought I had better let him know that tonight was impossible. “My mother is upset because we are having dinner with my father tonight. It will be uncomfortable for us, but we have to do it.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. Jimmy called me this morning, hoping we’d figure out another double date.”
“I’m afraid we’re going to have to tread lightly until my mother settles down. Right now, she’s so bitter about male-female relationships that the mere mention of another date might cause her to explode.”
“Oh?”
“Everything is more complicated for us, although Haylee prefers to ignore it. Matt, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to have nothing to do with us, with me.”
“I’d blame myself,” he said. It brought a most welcome smile to my face. “We’ll figure it out. It’s the challenges that make life interesting.”
“My stargazing philosopher.”
He laughed. “Well, if you want to believe in astrology, the stars will tell us what to do and when.”
“Can’t be worse than what we’re believing in now,” I told him.
I promised to call him after our dinner with Daddy, no matter how late that might be. He made a point of telling me that he wasn’t going out, implying that he wasn’t looking for another girlfriend. I was sure Jimmy wouldn’t give Haylee that assurance. When I met her in the hallway, I told her Matt had called and what he had said about Jimmy calling him.
“Damn,” she declared. “Why do we have to suffer?”
I nearly laughed. “They’re our parents, Haylee. Of course we have to suffer. It’s our family that’s fracturing.”
“I thought that happened the day we were born,” she replied, and pounded her way ahead of me down the stairs.
On the drive to the department store, Haylee pouted. Once again, Mother didn’t notice, because she was lost in her own diatribe, lecturing us about dates and romance. She told us things about her early days dating Daddy and claimed that she had always had reservations about him but was blinded by her obsession with the fantasy of a perfect love affair and marriage.
“He was always flirting with other women and telling me it was nothing or blaming it on them. Right from the beginning, he was away from home often. I was so naive then. I had no suspicions, but I’m sure he was having affairs right and left. Contrary to what he told you, he was not that upset with my devoting my life to you. He used it as an excuse to pursue his selfish lust.”
I looked back at Haylee. She always preferred to sit in the rear when we went anywhere with Mother. It was easier that way for her to hide her reactions to things Mother said or look distracted by something else, but all this was happening just when she’d thought she had begun a real love life. She couldn’t disguise her feelings. She was sinking into a pit of anger and self-pity.
“Lots of men and women stay married and faithful to each other, don’t they, Mother?” she challenged.
“As far as you and I know,” Mother said, “but open a closet or unlock a drawer in those homes, and you’ll find disgusting secrets. It’s m
ore like they deliberately ignore the truth and live in blissful ignorance.”
The pessimism annoyed Haylee more than it did me. I still believed that once Mother had gotten completely finished with the divorce, she would calm down and not be so dark and gloomy.
Divorce was simply another sort of death, and although the deaths of loved ones diminished people, they went on, resilient and eventually hopeful again. There was really no other choice. I was confident Mother would realize that and would realize how she was depressing us.
I thought of something to say that might change her attitude. “If you stay sad and depressed, Mother, won’t Daddy have won?”
She turned and looked at me as though I had just washed and dried a window she could now look through.