Marcy brought me some oatmeal and toast and more coffee.
“You should take a good long shower now,” she advised. “You’ll sleep tonight.”
“Thanks.” I ate most of what she brought.
Claudia returned and shook her head when Marcy looked to her with some expectation. She had gone out to see if anyone knew anything about what I had done the night before, I thought. They were careful not to attract any attention. Most of the girls were busy doing their homework anyway.
“What happened, Kaylee? Why did you come back here and take the Ecstasy? Did something bad happen between you and Troy Matzner?” Marcy asked.
“I don’t remember. Troy who?”
She looked at Claudia. “Okay. I warned you about him, Kaylee. I’m not surprised.”
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,” I muttered.
“What?”
“She’s quoting Alexander Pope again,” Claudia said.
“Great.” Marcy’s eyes widened with a new thought. “Did you do all the science and history homework before you went out with him?”
“Yes,” I said.
She smiled. “At least something went right yesterday.”
I wanted to laugh but closed my eyes instead. After another nap, I rose, took the long shower Marcy had prescribed, and tried to get myself organized for tomorrow’s classes. The prospect of going to dinner still seemed enormous. Claudia told me she would bring back a sandwich and a drink for me.
“We’ll tell everyone something you ate for dinner last night upset your stomach. Don’t worry about it.”
“Thanks.”
I tried to do a little reading, but my eyes were just too heavy, and the words seemed to liquefy on the page, running into one another. How long would this last? I wondered. And why would anyone want to go through it?
I did eat the entire sandwich Claudia brought me. She sat watching me and then described her and Marcy’s date at Fun City and afterward and how much more she liked Ben. I couldn’t help thinking that I had concluded too quickly that she was going to be the loser here and I would have to work at keeping her stable and happy. The irony of the reversed roles wasn’t lost on me, and from the way Marcy talked about their good time, it wasn’t lost on her, either.
They repeatedly tried to get me to tell them about my date, but I just said it was okay and refused to give them any details. Claudia said Troy wasn’t in the cafeteria for dinner.
“At least tell us if you’re going to see him again,” Marcy pleaded.
“I’ll see him,” I said.
“What’s that mean?”
“Let’s just leave it at that,” I said.
They looked at each other, shrugged, and went on to talk about their date and their boyfriends.
Maybe this was my fate, I thought, to listen to everyone else’s good time and think about happiness the way we thought about a distant star. It looked beautiful, but you could do nothing more than gaze at it and dream.
I did see Troy the next day, of course. He didn’t come to breakfast, but I saw him in the halls and classrooms. He avoided looking at me, and I avoided looking at him. Both Claudia and Marcy picked up the negative vibes.
“If you don’t tell us what happened, I’ll ask him,” Marcy threatened at lunch.
I was confident he would say nothing. He sat alone at his usual table and read, avoiding conversations with anyone. As usual, no one seemed to care. Strangely, I felt sorry for him. I had a right to be angry, but that didn’t mean I was totally disinterested in him and what were the secrets that gave him the idea he and I were birds of a feather.
For a few seconds at the end of the day, I caught him looking at me before he started for his dorm. I looked away quickly, and when I looked back, he was walking with his head down. I had the urge to run after him and almost did when Marcy came up behind me.
“You can’t keep secrets forever,” she warned. “Especially here.”