After I dressed, I stood there looking at myself in the full-length mirror. It really was like looking at a complete stranger. Of course, I was aware of how my body was developing. I saw the eyes of my girlfriends study me in the locker room, just the way I studied some of them, always comparing and being afraid that I wouldn’t be as pretty or as sexy as most of them. I actually admired the girls who were not as self-conscious. I wanted to be just as indifferent about the curves developing, the way I was being molded into a young woman. I wasn’t as crazy as some, who I knew were measuring everything weekly, if not daily. The girls who were still quite flat-chested looked mournful and envious sometimes.
I had bought two new bras, one I wondered if I would have the nerve to wear. In size, I was somewhere between an A cup and a B cup. The padded bra I had bought gave me the look of a woman with a definite B size. In the slightly tight blouse, I looked quite voluptuous. Was it too much? Did I dare?
Defiance was still raging in me. I swallowed back any hesitation and, now quite pleased with my hair and my makeup, walked out confidently. Aaron would be here any moment. Mrs. Camden, Myra, and my grandfather were sitting in the living room and talking. I paused in the doorway. They all looked at me, but no one spoke. My grandfather actually blushed. Mrs. Camden looked at him and then at me.
“And who could this be?” Myra finally said.
I knew my grandfather well enough to realize that he was about to voice his displeasure, but Mrs. Camden beat him to the microphone.
“You look very pretty, Clara Sue,” she said. “Very grown-up.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” I shot back.
“Clara Sue!” Grandpa said. “You thank people when they give you a compliment.”
They all stared at me.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m going out to wait for Aaron. He’ll be here any moment.”
“Remember to be home before midnight,” Grandpa warned.
I looked at my watch and then at the grandfather clock. “That’s five minutes fast,” I said, and walked out of the house.
My legs were trembling, but I felt so good about myself that I nearly broke out in laughter. I did laugh when Aaron drove up. He got out, took one look at me, and put his right hand over his heart as he pretended to battle back a wave of dizziness.
“Idiot,” I said, moving to the car.
He rushed around to open the door for me. “Are you trying to kill me with beauty?” he asked.
I looked at him, our faces inches apart. “Proceed at your own risk,” I said.
He smiled, looked back at the house, and then kissed me softly. “I think we might have a good time tonight.”
“Depends on your definition of a good time,” I said, and got into his car.
He nearly tripped over himself rushing to get back behind the wheel.
As we pulled away, I looked up at the window of Willie’s room. I knew it was my imagination, or at least, I thought it was, but I saw that little boy looking down at us mournfully, the way Willie used to whenever I went anywhere without him. I quickly leaned over and turned up the volume
of the radio. Aaron accelerated as soon as we were clear of the gates, and I felt as if I had been launched into space.
Audrey’s house was about half the size of my grandfather’s, but it was still quite a large ranch-style home, with that famous big basement furnished with fun things like a pool table, a jukebox, and a Ping-Pong table at the far right end. There was a bar, too, but her father had done a funny thing with all the visible bottles of liquor. He had put a piece of tape at the top of any bottle that had been opened so he could tell immediately if Audrey had permitted any of her friends to have a drink of rye, vodka, gin, scotch, or bourbon. The bottles of beer were in a locked cabinet. Only soft drinks were visible. Charlie Martin immediately suggested that Audrey simply add water to any bottle of liquor we sampled.
“That’s what I do at home, and my parents have never noticed,” he said.
“If my father does, I’m grounded for the rest of the year,” Audrey replied.
She was the shortest girl in our class, doll-like, with diminutive facial features and crystal-blue eyes. She had been going with Ted Davis for months. He was a junior, nearly six feet two, and a star on our basketball team, and the sight of them together always brought smiles. Audrey said her father called them Mutt and Jeff, after some old cartoon.
There were twenty of us at the party, and when Aaron and I appeared, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. My girlfriends, led by Lila, immediately surrounded me to find out where I had bought my skirt and blouse and boots. I could feel how some of them were actually happy to see me so upbeat since Willie’s tragic death. They all ranted about how horrible our strict school dress code was. Everyone but me vowed to have her parents go to the next PTA meeting to protest for us. I couldn’t even begin to imagine my grandfather doing such a thing.
As it turned out, Audrey didn’t have to sneak any of her father’s liquor. Tommy Koch had brought two flasks of vodka. He explained that vodka didn’t smell as much on your breath as the other liquors. Everyone was anxious to try it, but some couldn’t hide their nervousness, especially Audrey.
“Nobody had better throw up in my house,” she warned.
Of course, the boys assured her that wouldn’t happen. While Ted was dancing with Audrey and the lights were low, Tommy and two other boys snuck some of her father’s vodka, replacing it with water, and the drinking continued.
I felt a little dizzy and even a little nauseated after eating some pizza and anchovies. By now, Aaron and I were dancing very close. I was practically sleeping on him. I could feel his lips on my cheeks and my neck, and at one point, disregarding anyone else in the basement, we kissed like they kiss in the movies.