“I don’t have to tell Ava much. She gets the idea,” I said. “You’ve spent only a little time with Ava, but I think you know she’s pretty worldly.”
“Yeah, that’s a good word for it. Worldly. Okay, you know what we can do then?” he asked, excited again. “I’ll order in some food for us. For a little while at least, we can pretend we’re living together. How’s that?”
“Fine,” I said.
“Wow, things are really changed. You don’t seem nervous about anything anymore.”
“Does that worry you?” Please say yes, I thought. Find a reason to back out of this.
“Hell, no. It makes me happier, happier than ever. What would you like me to order, Chinese, pizza?”
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever you want,” I said.
“Okay. I’ll take care of it. What time should we meet? Can we meet at six? I’d like us to have some time together before I have to take you home and behave myself,” he said, laughing.
“Six is fine,” I said.
Ordinarily, if I had been in any way an ordinary girl, this would all have been exciting to me. I’d be as happy as he was. I’d do all sorts of things to prepare for the special night. I might have my hair and nails done and maybe buy a new outfit. I’d have a close friend in whom I could confide, and we’d giggle about what we knew would happen. If she didn’t have a boyfriend of her own, she’d be terribly jealous, but she would also be happy for me and live vicariously through my revelations. If she had a boyfriend, we’d grow even closer, because we’d be sharing the passions we felt and the experiences we had. We’d talk forever on the phone, comparing kisses and sex and things we said to our boyfriends and they said to us. We’d spend hours talking and annoy our parents. We’d walk through the hallways between classes as if we had been chained together. Other girls would envy us and, because of that envy, compete for our attention, in the hope that we would tell them something secret, share a little of the romantic gold.
But none of this was true for me. In a few days, I would instead help engineer the most gruesome death for the boy for whom I had the deepest feelings. That smile would be gone forever from his face. I couldn’t help but wonder when he would laugh for the last time, when he would smile or look at the world around him and feel wonderful. Would it be because of something I said or did? And what would be his final thoughts about me? Would they be angry thoughts or just utter shock? Would he be so disillusioned about life and love that he would welcome the darkness?
“Hey, you look sad about all this. Aren’t you at least half as happy as I am?” he asked me, reaching for my hand.
I forced a smile. Then I looked at my watch. “We’d better go back. I don’t want to keep her waiting. Mainly, I don’t want Ava to be angry about anything right now.”
“From what you’ve said about her, neither do I,” he said, rising quickly. “Where do you live? You’ve never told me,” he said as we walked back to campus.
“In Brentwood, off Sunset. I’ll direct you Saturday night.”
“Great. We’re close. More time for us,” he said. “Where are you meeting Ava right now?”
“At the car,” I said.
“I’ll walk you there.”
“No, let’s just say good-bye here for now. Ava can be a bit of a pain, teasing and such. She might say or do something to embarrass us, me mainly, or she might have a change of heart once she sees us so happy together. She can be very jealous at times.”
“I thought she was Miss Self-Confidence. Jealous?”
“Yes, jealous.” He had no idea how true that was.
He shrugged. “Whatever you say.”
He kissed me. Surely, he feels the restraint in my kiss, I thought, and waited for his reaction, but he just smiled and said, “I’ll count the minutes until Saturday at six.”
“Me, too,” I told him, and walked quickly away.
Ava was already in the car when I arrived and got in.
“I can see that went well,” she said. “Even though you didn’t look as happy about it as I told you to look.”
“I can’t help being nervous. How can you be so sure Daddy’s not going to be very upset, Ava?” I asked as we started away. “Even though we’re leaving soon, it’s still a rule violation, isn’t it, and that’s what the renegades do, right?”
“Leave that to me,” she said. “If I’m in charge, he won’t blame you for anything, but even if he’s angry at first, I’ll fix it. The bottom line, Lorelei, is he’ll end up being very proud and satisfied with you. And isn’t that what you really want, anyway?” She waited for a moment and then turned to me. “Isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said, but felt sure that I was not skilled enough to cover up the doubt I was having.
“You’ll feel better once it’s over,” she promised, nodding as though she were convincing herself.