“You’re not ever afraid? You were never afraid?” I asked her.
I thought she might become angry again and snap at me, but she was quiet. She simply won’t answer, I thought. It felt like minutes of silence. “Of course I was afraid,” she finally replied. “But I instinctively knew that once I had completed myself for Daddy, I would never feel that sort of fear again. We don’t fear anything, Lorelei. We are aware of the renegades, but we don’t fear them. We prepare ourselves, remain cautious and alert so we can defend ourselves, but even that has no fear in it. You can’t imagine right now what you will feel once it’s over. You don’t have to try to imagine. I’ll tell you, because I am sure you’ll agree with me soon. You’ll feel like a goddess, immortal and invulnerable. There are times when I feel the whole world is here for me and me alone. The air was created for me to breathe. The sun was created to warm me, and the night was created to protect me. Everything is for me, only me. When you are filled with that feeling of euphoria, that exaltation and rapture, you will see exactly what I mean. So, yes, I felt fear once, but it is so far back in my memory I can’t remember what it was like.”
What she said and the way she said it would probably make most people envious, I thought, but it didn’t give me the relief I sought as we drove on. Buddy was out there waiting for his lover, believing I would give him the crown jewel of life, the most cherished and important reason to live—deep, long, and everlasting love. He longed for me, while I approached with deception and the promise of deep, long, and everlasting betrayal.
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I was as cold as stone. Every part of my body was attached to strings I could not see but knew were there, strings that Daddy would pull, that he had been pulling all my life. I would dance the dance of seduction, and I would embrace Buddy with the iron grip my sex now could employ. He had no chance of escape. His own heart would blind him and bind him for deliverance into Daddy’s waiting arms.
“The moment you drove over to his uncle’s house that day,” Ava said, “I knew this was perfect.”
“You were always watching me? You always knew?”
“Of course, Lorelei. You’re almost as important to me as you are to Daddy. You don’t know how lucky you are to have it so easy the first time. I mean, it wasn’t hard for me, but I still had to do a little work. You’re getting a package wrapped and tied.”
“Do we have to keep talking about it?” I asked, surprised at how sharp and defiant I sounded.
She glanced at me. “Well, excuse me,” she said. “You’re sounding like a spoiled bitch already,” she added with a laugh. “I’ll have to give you my whole wardrobe.”
We drove the rest of the way in silence. Buddy stepped out of the house and waved the moment we drove up.
“Anxious, isn’t he?” Ava said.
I started to get out, and she seized my arm. She glared at me with her full intensity, her eyes like daggers.
“Your whole life will be decided today, Lorelei. Make no mistake about that,” she warned, and then let me go.
I got out quickly, the chill she threw over my body still clinging to my skin. As she pulled away and Buddy approached, I felt as if a thin sheet of ice were sliding down my torso and crumbling at my feet.
“Hey,” he said. He took my hands, looked into my eyes, whispered “Welcome,” and kissed me softly on the lips. He hesitated for a moment when he felt no reaction from me. I was still numb from Ava’s ice-water words. “Everything all right?”
“Yes,” I said quickly, and started for the house.
“I ordered pizza with some salad.” He moved ahead to open the door for me.
Ordinarily, I would have been excited about getting what Mrs. Fennel called “goat food,” but tonight I thought I would have little or no appetite for anything. Nevertheless, I quickly smiled and entered. He had music playing throughout the house.
“I thought I’d bone up on some classical music while I waited for you. I remember you mentioned how your father enjoyed it. This is Mozart.”
“I know,” I said. “The Magic Flute.”
“Yeah, of course, you would know. When I went into the music store, I just asked for Mozart. You want to go in the living room or—”
“What’s the backyard like? I’ve been in the house all day, and it’s beautiful outside.”
“Oh, it’s great. He has a small pool, nice patio. C’mon,” he urged, and led me through the house. We went out through the French doors in the den. There were light blue lounge chairs on a Spanish-tile patio. On the right side was a large barbecue grill and a sink. The pool was kidney-shaped, and there were a few tables, more lounges, and a small whirlpool. Five-foot-high ficus bushes provided lots of privacy, fencing in the property. There were some lemon trees on the right and also orange and grapefruit trees.
“Not bad, huh?”
“It’s very nice, yes,” I said.
“You want something cold to drink, beer, juice, water? I think there is some diet soda.”
“Just water, thanks.”
I sat on one of the lounges while he went to get me the water. The sky looked a few shades darker blue than usual, which made the scattered clouds a purer white. There wasn’t much of a breeze. The clouds were puffy and thick and looked stuck in place.
Buddy brought me a glass of water. He had one for himself and sat at my feet. For a few moments, he was silent, sipping his water and looking at me.
“Is it my imagination, or are you a bundle of nerves?” he asked.