"I really do, Mel. Please."
"Okay," he said. "I don't force myself on anyone, but I hope you like me."
"I do, but not that way. I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sure there are a lot of girls who would love to be up here with you," I added.
He smirked."
"Very few like you. Okay, I'll give it time," he said. "Consider this my first audition. Maybe, you'll give me a call back, okay?"
I laughed and tried to shift my eyes from his very revealed body. I found my purse and headed toward the door.
"If you wait for me to change again, I'll walk you home."
"No, that's all right. Thanks for dinner."
"I'll call you about the supermarket job," he said. "Thanks."
I hurried out the door and when I looked back, I saw him standing there, smiling after me. I waved and descended the stairs, feeling as if I were fleeing.
But was I fleeing from him or from myself? For the first time, I thought I was really more afraid of my own weakness and desire. This was a place filled with many different kinds of temptations. The Egyptian Gardens might as well be the Garden of Eden, I concluded and half expected a snake to come up and whisper in my ear as I crossed the courtyard to our building and made my way up to our apartment.
The phone was ringing as I entered. I hurried to it and after my first hello, I heard nothing.
"Hello?" I said again. I heard a deep breath and then . . .
"Where were you?" Cary asked.
"I was out to dinner, Cary. What's wrong?"
"Dad's dead," he said. "He had another heart attack in the CCU and he died." He laughed strangely. "I couldn't think of anyone else to call but you and you were out to dinner."
"Cary, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, well, it won't be the wrong person in his grave, will it?"
"Cary--"
"I'm tired. It's very late here. I ran down to the docks when I came home and I just stood there looking out at the ocean and thinking about all the trips he and I made together. Funny," he said huskily, "now you and I are both without fathers."
"I'll be back as soon as I can, Cary. I promise." "Okay," he said in a small voice.
And then he hung up and left me crying for both of us.
10
Revelations
.
After I hung up the phone, I sat on the sofa in
the dark living room and cried softly, thinking about Cary, little May and Aunt-Sara and what they all must be going through. I wondered how Grandma Olivia and Grandpa Samuel were taking the news of their son's death. Nothing could be worse than losing a child, I thought, no matter how old the child was at the time, or how aloof and cold at heart you were.
Uncle Jacob had resented my coming and living with him and his family, but most of the time I thought that was because my presence made the loss of his Laura that much harder to bear. Right from the beginning, Aunt Sara treated me as if I had been sent to replace Laura, but I knew as far as Uncle Jacob was concerned, no one could ever replace his daughter. He had been hard, sometimes downright cruel to me, but I also recalled moments when he gazed at me with softer, kinder eyes, especially after he had heard me sing and play the fiddle, and often, when he didn't think I was aware of his gaze.
He was a hardworking man who wanted to provide for his family as best he could. His religious zeal often made him cold and unpleasant to me, but on more than one occasion, Cary hinted that his father had become more devout and sterner after Laura died, somehow blaming himself for her death. When he was in the hospital the first time, he had asked to see me at his bedside, and because he thought he was dying, he confessed to me that he and my mother had done something sinful together when they were young. At the time he made it seem that he blamed himself for my mother's wild ways later on when she was older. Afterward, he denied saying these things. Ashamed of what he had told me, he found my presence even harder to bear. I'm sure he was happy when I decided to leave to find my mother, as happy as Grandma Olivia was to see me go.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Minutes later, I fell asleep and didn't waken until I heard the door open, followed by loud laughter.