"Whoa. Et tu, Melody? Then fall Kenneth Childs."
"I understand, Kenneth, because I've been wallowing in it as well." I put another pillow back on the sofa and sat beside him. Then I told him what had happened in California and why I had left. He listened, his eyes regaining some of their spirit and light as I spoke, especially when I described my mother and how young she looked.
"Then she's still very beautiful?"
"Yes, but there are many beautiful women in Hollywood, most with more talent, and all probably with more reputable and reliable agents. Richard Marlin is just some lowlife that has her beguiled," I said.
He nodded.
"I feel sorry for her. She was just as much a victim as I was. I feel sorry for you, too," he added quickly.
"I don't want you to. I'm not going to think about it anymore and I'm not going to try to make something happen that can never happen." He looked at me with new interest.
"I see. You're learning to grin and bear it, huh?"
"Yes, and I want you to learn as well." I paused and then added, "You were actually lucky you didn't end up with my mother. Grandma Olivia is right about people making excuses for her. She is what she is not because of what happened between you two, not because she discovered your father is her father, but because it's in her to be who she is. She was always selfish, Kenneth. You know that's true."
He laughed.
"Where did you find all this wisdom and knowledge?"
"It was a long journey," I said dryly, "through a rain forest of tears. Just because she lost you as a lover doesn't mean she had to turn me away, to deny me as her daughter, does it? When do you stop blaming your father for every mistake you make and start blaming yourself?"
His eyes widened.
"You don't understand," he said in a hoarse whisper, his head shaking.
"I understand. Don't you think I wanted to love her, too? Don't you think I wanted to have a mother? When I was growing up and I had so many questions, girl-talk questions, don't you think I longed to have her spend hours and hours with me and not talk about herself and her pimples or her new ounce of fat? Do you think if you had been able to marry her, you would have changed her?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "All I do know is I would have liked the opportunity." He sighed deeply. "Okay, Melody, okay," he said. "I'll stop wallowing in self-pity, but I don't know about my work." He looked at Neptune's Daughter. "This project just seemed to drain me. Maybe I gave it everything I had."
"I doubt it," I said. We heard the jeep's horn and looked toward the doorway. Cary gave us the thumbsup sign.
"He's a good kid. Hard news about his father. There's a lot falling on his shoulders now. Did you come back to live with them?"
"No, I'm going to be living with Grandma Olivia. Remember how the arrangements were already made just before I left for California?"
"Yes, I remember, and I remember thinking it was a good idea. You'll learn a lot from her."
"That's what she keeps telling me," I said dryly. He laughed and then he reached out to stroke my hair.
"It's nice to have you back, even though for your sake I was hoping it would have worked out otherwise."
"Thank you, Kenneth. Um, can I make a small suggestion at this time?"
"Why not?"
"Could you take a shower or a bath soon?"
He roared with laughter and pulled his hand away from my hair.
"Okay, I deserve that."
"In the meantime, I'll clean up some of this mess." He shook his head and sighed.
"You're a bad influence on someone who wants to wallow in self-pity, Melody."
"Good," I said, which brought another ,smile to his face. I had the feeling there hadn't been too many since I had left.