"When you've grown out of these foolish romantic notions, you will be strong enough to take on the responsibilities I have in mind for you. Besides, you're not thinking of your immediate future. You will finish this school year, go to a prestigious prep school which will prepare you for the best colleges, where i am sure you will meet someone from a distinguished family and form a meaningful relationship."
"You talk like you have my whole life planned out for me."
"I will do the best I can, but you must be cooperative and obedient," she continued, obviously not at all concerned with my feelings. "I've been thinking about you all day and I've concluded that you can begin your training immediately. For that purpose, I have contracted with an excellent tutor, a Miss Louise May Burton, who happens to be a retired charm school teacher. You will begin your lessons the day after tomorrow, so don't make any silly plans to wander the beaches, or go sailing or visit anyone."
"Lessons?-in what?"
"Etiquette, manners, behavior. You are going to attend schools populated by the daughters of only the best families, people of stature, good breeding, pure blood,"
"There's nothing wrong with my manners," I complained.
She laughed.
"How would you know, my dear? Have you ever been with people who recognized the
difference?"
I stared at her a moment, my anger simmering my blood into a rolling boil. Yes, my mother was a great disappointment, but there were many people in my life who were warm and decent. Why, Papa George and Mama Arlene would make any of Grandma Olivia's blue bloods look like savages when it came to true and good feelings and decency, I thought.
But Papa George was dead and Mama Arlene had moved away, a small voice reminded me.
"That's settled then," Grandma Olivia continued. "You will limit your contact with Kenneth Childs and with Cary and you will be a good student of manners."
"I won't limit my contact with Cary," I challenged.
"If you won'
t on your own accord, I'll have to speak with Sara. And," she said smiling, "you know what sort of influence I have with Sara. They are, despite what dribbles in from that dying lobster boat business and their silly cranberries, dependent upon my charity to an extent you don't fathom. Why even that pathetic house really belongs to me," she revealed. "My son needed to borrow the money for the mortgage."
"You wouldn't dare do anything to hurt them," I countered.
She fixed her eyes on me with a firmness that put ice into my veins.
"Not unless you force me too," she said. Then she smiled. "I suppose you could always run away and live like your dead mother. Think it all over and I'm sure you'll conclude that your best chances for a decent life are here with me and with what I will do for you."
"Why are you really doing all this for me?" I asked her, suddenly more curious than angry.
"I told you, for the family's sake," she said.
I shook my head.
"There's another reason."
"There is no other reason . . . for anything," she declared and then turned to leave my room.
The rain grew heavier, its drum beat pounding on my heart as well as on the house. I saw Cary's loving smile, his deep green eyes revealing his great need for me and great trust. How could I disappoint him? Grandma Olivia's threats scared me. I thought about the fury in her face.
Some time ago, she had trusted her heart to someone who had betrayed her and from that betrayal my mother was born, a woman she couldn't control or mold. I was her last chance for revenge.
But revenge against whom? Against what?
Was it someone or was it merely a world she had come to despise? Maybe it was both, I thought.
I was sure that in the days to follow I would find all the answers, only I was just as terrified of making the discoveries as I was of not.
I was floundering in a world of adult quicksand. Who would throw me a line to pull me out? Kenneth? Judge Childs? My Grandmother Belinda? Cary? Everyone seemed to be floundering just as much.
Only Grandma Olivia, only she seemed to walk on firm ground. I had to admire her for that, and suddenly, I was filled with a new fear.