Unfinished Symphony (Logan 3)

We all went to the cemetery and then the mourners went their separate ways, except for Judge Childs, Kenneth, Holly, Cary, May and Aunt Sara, who returned to the house with us. Grandma Olivia said wakes and feeding large numbers of people only prolong the final good-bye and delayed getting on with life.

Nevertheless, we had something to eat and afterward, we all sat out in the back and talked. Holly took Aunt Sara for a walk with May along the beach. Holly and Aunt Sara got along well these days. She was actually helping Aunt Sara shed her burden of mourning. Grandma Olivia fell asleep in her chair while Cary talked about the boat with Judge Childs and Kenneth.

Finally, Cary and I went down to the dock and watched the approaching twilight with the gulls gliding gracefully over the silvery water.

"I wonder if Holly is right. I wonder if we all return to some spiritual body full of love and then start again," I said.

Cary was silent for a moment and then he turned to me and smiled.

"I started again. I started when you came here," he said. "So maybe it's true: Maybe love is what makes us alive."

I leaned against his shoulder and he put his arm around me, making me feel secure and safe. The sun continued to dip. Clouds drifted toward the horizon as if they were sinking, too. The gulls called out through the shadows.

And I said a soft good-bye to the grandmother I had hardly known, but whose soft eyes filled me with promises to keep.

17

An End to the Silence

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As Cary had promised, Kenneth's boat was

ready for its maiden voyage the following weekend. Of course, Cary took it out on some test runs beforehand and spent the week tuning and perfecting it until he was satisfied. Weatherwise, luck was with us. When Cary came for me early on Saturday morning, it was a nearly perfect day with just a few dabs of clouds over the face of a pale blue sky, and most important, the sea was calm, but with just enough breeze to make for good sailing.

Grandma Olivia said nothing either negative or positive about it at all. She knew where I was going and why, but she ignored my preparations. There was a dramatic change in her demeanor during the week after her sister's death. She was more withdrawn, said less at dinner and spent more time alone in Grandpa Samuel's office reviewing old papers. She dozed a great deal and had fewer visitors.

Judge Childs came around about as frequently as usual, but his visits were shorter and he had dinner with us only once. Toward the end of the week, immediately after he arrived, he and Grandma Olivia went into the office and spent an hour or so behind closed doors going over documents. When he emerged, he looked flustered and tired. He barely spoke to me before he left and after he was gone, Grandma Olivia went directly up to bed, not so much as glancing my way.

She still made daily inquiries as to my progress at school, commented about my appearance, and warned me about not doing anything to ruin the success I had enjoyed and would enjoy, but her words sounded emptier. They were words of duty, automatic words, sentences without passion. Could it be that Grandma Belinda's death really had affected her? I wondered. I was beginning to feel sorry for her, something I thought I would never do.

I didn't mention any of this to Cary, especially the morning of our maiden voyage. He talked excitedly all the way to Kenneth's beach house, giving me little opportunity to get a word in anyway. I had to laugh at his exuberance, but at the same time, I was thrilled by it.

Holly had prepared our cold lobster lunch with salads and Portuguese bread, wine, coffee and carrot cake. She and Kenneth surprised us by buying new matching sailing outfits. It was the first time I had seen her dressed in something reasonably fashionable and I thought she looked fresh and attractive.

"I've got to look the part now, don't I?" Kenneth said, parading about in his captain's hat.

The aura of happiness that settled over all of us was infectious. We fed each other's laughter and joy.

Kenneth and Cary got us underway and we set out to sea, bouncing gently over the waves, the wind stroking our faces, making our hair dance over our foreheads, all of us bathing in the sunlight and the sea spray. The boat was as sleek and as fast as Cary had predicted. It sliced gracefully through the water. Kenneth said it handled with such ease, it could make a novice appear to be a seasoned sailor. He even let me steer to prove it. Cary beamed with pride, strutting over the desk, checking every joint, every mechanical part, just daring something to fail.

After we set the anchor, Cary and Kenneth did some fishing while Holly and I prepared our feast. After we ate I played the fiddle and taught them some of the mountain songs Papa George had taught me. I couldn't recall a time in my life when I felt more contented. All of us sprawled out to rest and actually dozed off a bit before springing back into action and turning the boat toward shore, this time sailing faster, Holly and I shrieking at the waves that splashed over the sides of the boat to soak us. It had been one of the happiest days of my life and I hated to see it come to an end.

Kenneth and Holly had decided to have their wedding the next day at Judge Childs's. It wasn't going to be a very big affair. The Judge would marry them in front of a few friends and there was to be a small dinner party, after which Kenneth and Holly would leave for their week's honeymoon in Montreal. Cary and I had promised to look after the beach house and their puppies, Prometheus and Neptune. Cary said he would take the dogs home with him every night.

We all knew he was going to be busy. Mr. Longthorpe had decided to go ahead and contract with him to build him his yacht. Kenneth offered his home for Cary to use, which meant Cary could utilize the studio and shop. Now there would be reason for him to be at Kenneth's anyway. While he had been working there on Kenneth's boat, the house had become our little paradise, our hideaway from the prying eyes of the world around us. We had only the terns and other birds as witnesses. Now that would continue.

And so as the school year was drawing toward its end, I gradually permitted myself to believe there really was such a thing as a rainbow after the storm. Mommy didn't trouble my thoughts anymore. I accepted that she was gone. I rarely saw my father and never saw or heard from Adam. Michelle avoided me more than I avoided her. It was easy to put it all behind me, to think now of the future, a future that had a place for Cary's and my love.

It was really what I believed as I returned from our day of sailing. Tanned and very contented, I was even eager to share the experience with Grandma Olivia. However, I found the house dark and quiet and discovered Loretta alone in the kitchen. She told me Grandma Olivia had not come down for her dinner.

"It isn't like her to do so, but I brought dinner up to her and she ate in bed," Loretta told me. "That woman isn't right. Something's wrong," she declared, but not with any loving concern. She said it as a matter of fact and went on doing her chores.

All the time I had lived at the house, I always felt uncomfortable going to Grandma Olivia's bedroom while she was in bed. I hesitated to do it now. Although I had developed some level of respect for her, I still wasn't fond of her. I didn't think she was the kind of person who permitted anyone to care for her affectionately anyway. Even the Judge rarely spoke to her tenderly, at least not in front of me. It was as if he thought that if he did, she would either ridicule him or criticize him for it.

Nevertheless, I felt some concern and knocked on her door. There was no response so I knocked harder until I heard, "What is it?"

I opened the door and gazed in at her. She looked like a tiny child in the large bed, her hair loose, her body diminished even more by the oversized pillows.