cheek and ran to the front door. I didn't turn back to
wave. I went inside and up to my room before anyone could see my face. Then I went to the bathroom and threw cold water on my cheeks. "Laura? Is that you,
honey?" I heard Mommy call from my doorway. "Yes, Mommy."
"Everything all right?"
"Yes, Mommy. I just had to go to the
bathroom," I said. "I'm fine."
"Okay. Would you like some hot chocolate?" "No, Mommy. I ate and drank enough." "Oh. Is Mrs. Royce a good cook?"
I swallowed and closed my eyes. Robert had
told me she was a good cook.
"Yes, Mommy," I said. I felt like I had stuck
pins in my own throat. No one believed in me more
than Mommy and no one would refuse more to
believe I had lied or been deceitful.
"That's nice, dear. You can tell me all about it
tomorrow, if you want. Good night, Laura." "Good night, Mommy."
I heard her go to her room. Then I took a deep
breath and got ready for bed. I tossed and turned all
night, seeing myself in a rowboat that was being flung
from one wave to another, the sky black and full of
cold rain. Out of the storm clouds Daddy's face
appeared, raging. A long finger of accusation pointed
at me from the heavens.
"You have sinned," he bellowed. It was a chant
caught in the wind. "You have sinned."
I woke up in a cold sweat.
"I haven't sinned. I haven't. I love Robert and
he loves me. That's not a sin. That's--"
I pressed my hand to my mouth, embarrassed to
find myself talking aloud. Slowly, I lowered my head
to the pillow and stared into the darkness until my