Heartsong (Logan 2)

"I'm surprised you don't know everything already," I said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The way they were hovering around us, listening." "Ridiculous."

Maybe it was, I thought, but it was easy to become paranoid where this family was concerned. I took a deep breath and wondered what I should tell her. I didn't want Grandma Belinda to appear foolish just because she loved children's books and confused time and places now, and I remembered Grandpa Samuel telling me to come to him with any stories first.

"She's very sweet and I thought she looked very healthy. She's only a year or so younger than you?" I asked deliberately. Grandma Olivia stiffened.

"Never mind that. What nonsense did she tell you? I'm sure she rambled on and on about something silly."

I shrugged.

"She told me about her youth, how many boyfriends she had, one of them being the judge." Grandma Olivia's eyes narrowed into hateful slits. "He wasn't her boyfriend when she was younger.

That is just one of her fantasies. This is exactly the sort of nonsense I'm talking about," she said, her words biting and sharp. I suddenly saw how vulnerable and helpless Grandma Belinda must have been, growing up with Olivia.

"She said you were often jealous of her and you poisoned her song bird and stole a locket the judge gave her," I said in an accusatory tone.

"Oh." She shook her head and smiled as though I had uttered the most ridiculous things. "She tells that story to everyone. That bird died of natural causes and I don't know why she carries on and on about it. When it was alive, I was the one who had to take care of it. She never fed it or cleaned its cage, and as for a locket, it was a present I received from someone and she fantasized it was for her. Men never bought her things. They didn't have to," she added dryly. "Ali they had to do was turn a flirtatious face in her direction and she was theirs. What else did she say?"

"She said your marriage was forced on you," I blurted, unable to hide my anger at the way she diminished and criticized my real grandmother at every turn. Is this why she brought me here? Did she get some sadistic pleasure from it?

"It wasn't forced on me, but parents had a great deal more to say about whom their children married then. It was better that wiser minds prevail. Far fewer of those marriages ended in divorce, and if she had listened to my father, she wouldn't be in this predicament today."

"She said you forbade her to mention my mother. Is that true?"

"That," Grandma Olivia said, "is the first true thing she told you. Yes, of course I forbade her to mention Haille. What sort of a situation would we have had with her babbling about this embarrassing event? You think I wanted the gossip mongers clicking their tongues? It was bad enough that some servants knew and the doctor knew, but somehow, I managed to keep everyone from suffering. You sit here now with your eyes full of condemnation and accusation, but do you pause to think what I provided for your mother? No, you don't," she said, answering herself quickly. "Well, I'll tell you.

"Your mother was a child born out of wedlock, normally a disgrace, but I gave her a home and my name and the best of everything. She could have had a fine education, met the most distinguished men, had a real future, but she was contaminated by Belinda's bad blood."

"And now you think I am too, is that it?" "That remains to be seen," she snapped.

"Not by you. I'm not auditioning for your approval," I fired back at her, the tears burning under my eyelids, tears I would die before releasing in her presence.

"Nevertheless," she said, her smile sharp and her eyes bright and fiery, "you'll do nothing to risk my disapproval or,--"

"Or you'll see to it I never get my inheritance. I know," I said.

"That's right," she replied and sat back.

There was a moment of silence, a truce between us.

"I wouldn't recommend that you return to the home to see Belinda," she said slowly. "She'll only fill you with more ridiculous fantasies and it might cause problems for everyone."

"She needs visitors, family. You can't leave her there like that, alone, lost."

Grandma Olivia laughed.

"She's far from alone and far from lost. She has the best care money can buy. If anything, she's spoiled, but she was spoiled all her life. That's why she ended up as she did," she concluded. "Don't go back there," she said standing.

"I will. She's my real grandmother," I said.

Grandma Olivia's eyes looked as if they could burn through my skull and sear my brain.

"She's a mental invalid, totally dependent upon my charity. I could have her put in a county poorhouse in minutes," she threatened. "What do you expect she can give you?"

"Love," I said not backing down or looking away.