Heartsong (Logan 2)

I brushed her off and carried her back with me, really not sure what I would do with her. I wished someone would find me on the beach like this and brush off my grains of sadness and salty tears before carrying me off to a new and better home. Like this doll, I felt discarded and perhaps with even less fanfare. But hadn't I done the same to Cary? Was Holly's arrival my punishment for treating Cary so selfishly?

As I rounded a bend and approached the beach in front of Kenneth's house, I saw Holly seated on a blanket, her legs curled in a lotus position, her arms folded under her breasts, her head back so her face was awash in the afternoon sunshine. She was barefoot and wore a light green and white tie-dyed tank dress that came barely to her knees. She also wore different earrings. These looked like jade and glittered along with whatever she was wearing around her neck.

Ulysses hadn't come out with her. I imagined him pouting in the studio with Kenneth because I had rushed away without so much as glancing at him and beckoning for him to join me.

I was going to ignore Holly and go into the house, when I heard the exotic, Far Eastern-sounding music, and drew closer. Somehow, she sensed me and turned.

"Hi," she called. I stepped closer and saw the small stream of smoke rising from a tiny bronze pot.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Greeting the zodiac. I've got to get in tune with the vibrations, the energy here, as soon as possible. Come," she said, shifting on her blanket to make room for me, "join me."

"To do what?" I asked with a smirk.

"Plug into the universe," she replied as if it were the most obvious thing. "All the answers to your questions and your problems are in here," she said, pointing to her heart, "but you have to find the way to reach them, unlock the doors, and to do that, you have to strip away the worldly confusions, the tensions and the turmoil. You've got to lift your spirit from this bondage and free your inner self. I'll show you how if you want," she said.

I started to shake my head and laugh at her. Did she really expect me to believe these things?

"It won't cost you anything but a little of your time and energy," she said quickly. "And it might be just what you need, Melody."

"How do you know what I need?" I snapped back at her.

She smiled softly.

"I know you need some peace, some strength, some light. I know you have to rid yourself of your burdensome anger, and I know you're looking for meaning and love," she added.

I couldn't deny it. My face must be a window through which anyone could see my troubled heart, I thought, if someone who had just met me already knew all this.

"How can sitting on a blanket and staring at the sky and the ocean help?" I asked disdainfully.

"I'll show you if you give me a chance," she promised with friendly eyes.

"Why should you care about me?" I challenged.

"Why shouldn't I?" she responded quickly. "Come on. I don't bite." She patted the blanket beside her. I drew closer.

"What's burning?"

"Incense," she said.

"It smells funny. What is it?" I asked, grimacing. "My own recipe of frankincense, styrax, and cascarilla bark. You've never smelled incense before?"

No.

"It's really very pleasant. What do you have in your hand there?" she asked, leaning to see what I was carrying at my side.

"Someone's old doll. I found it on the beach," I said unashamedly and more possessively than I had expected.

"All my dolls were handmade for me when I was a little girl," she said. "My mother was a tailor and very talented. She made all my clothes and all my brother's and my father's clothes, too. She learned it from her mother. I don't know how far back the skill went, but it was something they brought over from Europe. Of course, all my friends made fun of my clothes because they knew practically everything I owned was homemade."

"Where did you live?" I asked, unable to prevent myself from being interested in her, especially when she talked about her mother. She seemed so open and free, revealing intimacies about herself without any fear. After living on the Cape for a while, I thought she was a breath of fresh air.

"Yonkers. It's just outside of New York City. My mother worked for a manufacturer in the Bronx. Ever been there?"

"No," I said.

"I haven't been back in ages, even though I live only a train ride away in Greenwich Village," she explained.