Heartsong (Logan 2)

"Why don't you give it a chance?" she said and pushed my hand away.

I thought for a moment and then shrugged and put it on. She smiled.

"There, you see. You've taken the first step: a little faith, a little hope."

"Every time I have a little faith or a little hope, I get disappointed," I said.

"Maybe you've been putting your energy into the wrong things, the wrong places."

"How do you know which is right and which is wrong?"

"That's why you have to develop a clearer vision," she said. She looked out at the sea and held that gentle, angelic smile on her lips. "You're very fond of Kenneth, aren't you?" she asked, not turning back to me.

"Yes," I said.

"It's not unusual to imagine things--wonderful things--with such a person. When I was your age, I did a lot of that, too." She looked at me, her eyes still warm, but smaller, more intense. "You're angry with me, aren't you? Angry that I showed up?"

I shifted my own eyes away quickly.

"Well," I said, "Kenneth and I are doing something very special. It takes a lot of concentration and--we can't be interrupted," I declared firmly.

"I'm sure you won't be, especially not by me. I've known Kenneth a long time. I know when to be in his face and when to be out of it," she said, laughing. Then she looked at me very intently, her eyes soft but determined. "I know I'm good for him, Melody. I know I give him something he needs, something that helps him be the artist and the man he wants to be."

Tears came to my eyes. I was hoping that was what I would give him and who I would be.

"You'll do that for someone special someday, I'm sure. It's not something that happens overnight. It takes time."

I twirled the coarse, faded doll's hair in my fingers and stared at it.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked.

"Sort of," I said thinking of Cary. The boy who loved me and who I had put aside to chase a silly dream.

"You'll have to tell me all about him," she said, "and I'll make up a chart for him too and tell you if you're destined to spend a long time together."

I had to laugh at that, thinking of Cary hearing Holly's ideas.

"He's like his father. He wouldn't listen or believe in anything you said."

"Oh. Well, let's wait and see," she said as if she knew something about Cary that I didn't. "What I like about coming here," she said, gazing out at the vast ocean again, "is the great privacy. I really feel as if I'm on the edge of the world and I can do whatever I want. Don't you feel that too? That sense of freedom?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Well then, while you and Kenneth work, I think I'll just get some sun."

She started to unbutton her dress. I watched with surprise as she peeled it off to her waist. She wasn't wearing a bra. Topless, she turned on the blanket to expose her back.

"It feels like a warm bath," she said and moaned with pleasure. Then her eyes popped open. "Don't you ever sunbathe nude out here?"

I shook my head.

"I love the sense of abandon, the freedom. It's like getting back to basics. You oughta try it."

She closed her eyes again. Her Far Eastern music continued playing on her tape recorder and her incense continued to send tiny spirals of smoke into the wind. I sat with her a few minutes more and then I got up.

"I'm going back to work," I said.

"I hope I don't fall asleep out here," she muttered. "One year I got a bad burn. Kenneth got involved in what he was doing, of course, and completely forgot about me. Scream if I'm still out here when you finish."