"Family, family should be the most important thing of all," she replied. "If there is every anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask me."
I watched her leave, hating her for being strong enough to come.
17
Penance
.
I didn't believe Samuel was capable of the rage
he demonstrated in front of me the following afternoon. His eyes were so filled with it that they looked bloodshot. His normally tan cheeks had eggshell white spots and the skin on his temple was so taut, it could have been used over a drum. He nearly took my office door off its hinges when he entered and he slammed it so hard, the walls shook. I was about to protest when he extended his arm, his long right forefinger jabbed at my surprised face.
"Don't," he commanded. "Don't say a word until I'm finished speaking."
After saying that, he fumed a few more moments, pacing in front of me. Then he paused, took a deep breath and put his hands palms down on my desk as he leaned toward me. I could feel the heat radiating from his eyes of fire. I half-expected he would burn his palm prints into the wood.
"Your sister came to you and told you she was pregnant with Nelson Childs' baby and you met with Nelson and told him you and I were going to keep the child as our own? Does that sum it all up in a nutshell?"
"Hardly," I said, "but for now, yes."
"But for now yes? When exactly were you going to tell me any of this? When exactly was I going to learn what would happen in my own home? When . . ."
"Please, Samuel. Stop it!" I cried.
He glared. His lips firm. He was shooting so many daggers across the desk at me that I had trouble looking at him.
"Stop it? Stop it, you say? I know I'm not the businessman your father was. I know you do a great many things better than I do here, but I know I'm still your husband, the father of your children. All I ask, Olivia, is you treat me with this much respect," he said holding up his forefinger and thumb as if he were showing a pinch of salt.
He paused, waiting for my response.
"You're right," I said after a moment. "You're absolutely right." His eyes widened with surprise. He had been expecting my characteristic fortitude. "I should have involved you sooner in all this. I was wrong, but I was just so upset over Belinda and what had happened, I saw red and took matters into my own hands."
"Which is what you always do," he said nodding.
"I am who I am. I'm not perfect, Samuel."
"Well." He stepped back. "I must say it's a novelty to hear you say that, Olivia." He gazed at me a moment and then sat in front of the desk, sinking into the seat. "What do you expect to accomplish here? Why are you permitting Belinda to have the baby and keep the baby at our home?"
"It's her child, our niece or nephew, isn't it? We don't give away children like so much extra fish," I said. "But for an unmarried woman to have a child fathered by a married man and for us to keep the child, bring him or her up alongside Jacob and Chester . . . it will simply complicate matters so much more, Olivia. You haven't thought this through and considered all the aspects," he concluded, shaking his head.
"Did he send you here to tell me all this, to plead with me, to have me give the child to some agency so that his conscience is clear and he has no worries? Well? Did he?"
"He asked me to reason with you, yes," Samuel admitted.
"I thought so."
"He's quite distraught about it."
"Oh please," I said turning my chair. "He's quite distraught. Why is it men can only see the suffering they endure?" I thought a moment and then looked at Samuel again. "Is this what you would do, Samuel, if it were all reversed? Would you have gone to him and asked him to go to his wife and plead your case, asking for the same things?"
"That's a ridiculous question. I don't have affairs."
"Of course you don't. You're better than that, Samuel. I realize that. Haven't you told me time after time that you believe in family, as I do? Didn't you tell me my father was right in building that belief in us all?"
>
"Yes, but . . . well, what does Belinda want?"