"Work at it forever for all I care," she muttered, and turned away from him.
Daddy would look at me if I were in the same room or nearby, and say, "Women."
I had no idea what that meant.
"Why didn't Daddy tell the truth?" I asked Mama after she put away my new clothes.
> She looked at me as if she only then realized I knew he had agreed to keep my problems secret from Grandmother Emma and it wasn't just her idea. Had she forgotten I was right there when they discussed it or did she simply think I didn't understand?
"It's not easy to tell Grandmother Emma the truth," my mother said. "At least, it hasn't been for your father. He thinks it's easier to tell her what she wants to hear. People do that to each other all the time, Jordan. Don't be surprised. You might as well get used to it. Welcome to the adult world."
"How do you know when anyone's telling the truth then?" I asked, and she laughed. I was happy I made her do that.
She walked over to hug me. Then she squatted a little to look into my face.
"You're growing up so quickly. I feel like I've aged myself overnight. I know it's going to be extra difficult for you. Jordan, but try, try hard to hold on to being young for as long as you can. Live in a world of make-believe where lies and deceptions don't matter. Don't send Santa Claus to a retirement home just yet."
I was the one laughing now. "I don't believe in Santa anymore, Mama."
"I know, but sometimes, it's not bad to hope he'll come back."
I squinted at her. Come back? Come back from where? He didn't exist.
"Whenever you do that, you look just like your brother. When we first told him about Santa Claus, he squinted and asked how it was possible for one man to deliver toys to all the world's children in one night. I don't think he was three. You think he's happier being so smart?" she asked me.
"Yes," I said.
"Maybe," she said, standing. "Put on the new dress your grandmother gave you for tonight and the sandals. It is a very pretty dress and fashionably up to date, which surprised me. Showing her you want to wear it on your special night rather than anything I bought you today will help Daddy smoke his peace pipe with her."
"Daddy doesn't smoke, does he?"
"No. Well, he smokes cigars occasionally when he wants to look like a big shot. People say, 'Let's smoke a peace pipe,' when they want to make up or calm things down."
She started out and turned back to say, "Men."
I was just as confused as when Daddy said, "Women." Did that mean she was no longer angry?
A little while later, she came in to help me fix my hair and then she went to dress. Despite the argument earlier, it did still feel like it was going to be a very special night. Ian put on his suit and tie, too, and then surprised me by giving me a birthday present that was just from him. I didn't know and neither did our parents that he had ridden his bike to the department store and bought it for me. Before we all went out to dinner, he came to my room to give it to me.
I started to unwrap it.
"I confirmed the reading level before I bought it for you. Jordan," he said, so I knew it was a book.
It was called I Was a Girl and Now I'm a Woman. I opened it slowly and saw there were pictures, too, and a page that had the tadpoles.
"It does a better job of explaining everything than I could do for you right now," he said. He glanced back from the doorway and then looked at the book. 'Maybe for now you shouldn't let Mother or Father know you have it and especially that I gave it to you."
Another secret, I thought, another brown moth to keep locked up in my own Pandora's box.
I carefully folded up the gift paper and then put the book into my toy chest, the one that had my dolls and teacup set as well as some board games and other toys I never used anymore. Na one ever bothered to look in it. If I left something out. Nancy might put it in there, so I had to be sure I was very neat about my things and didn't leave anything on the floor.
"Thank you, Ian," I said.
"You're welcome. You look very nice in your new dress," he added, which was the first time I could ever remember him giving me a compliment.
"Thank you."
"You're going to be a very pretty woman. Jordan," he predicted. It nearly took the breath out of me. "That really shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone. Father is very good-looking and Mother is beautiful. Even though I don't approve of how she uses it, Grandmother Emma is correct when it comes to the influences of genetics."