"Mothers are important people, but they are often too busy to study how to educate their own children. That's why they depend on people like me, professionals."
"Do you have any children?" I asked.
"I'm not a married woman, Jordan. How can I have children?"
"Then how do you know about mothers?"
She was silent again, and again took a deep breath before answering me.
"I can sec why you and your brother are difficult for your grandmother. We are going to spend a lot of time together so you can learn what is proper to ask and what is not. You just don't say everything that comes into your little head. I low about mothers because most of my professional life. I have had to deal with mothers, talk to them about their children, and help guide them in bringing up their children. I am an expert when it comes to that. Are you satisfied?"
"I want my mama back," I said as an answer.
"Yes, well, we all want things we can't have when we want them and things we can never have."
"What do you want that you can't have?" I asked quickly.
It snapped her head up so fast I thought I was going to be marched back into the bathroom for another bout with soap.
"You are not to ask me another question about myself. Is that clear?" she said firmly. "It's
inappropriate for you to question your elders. It's quite disrespectful, in fact. I won't tolerate it."
I knew the answer. I thought it or did I say it? I thought it so fast and so confidently. I might have said it. Her eyes widened. "What did you say?"
I bit down on my lower lip and shook my head. "Nothing."
She stared at me, but I knew the answer to my question, the question I wasn't permitted to ask.
Children.
She wanted children and she would never have them.
20 Miss Harper in Charge
. If there was any doubt that Miss Harper would have a major role to play in my life now, it was put to rest when we went to see Dr. Dell'Acqua again. Grandmother Emma introduced her to the doctor as my minder and guardian and she was permitted to sit in on all the discussion about me. Dr. Dell'Acqua was very upset about what had happened to Mama and Daddy and was eager to do whatever she could for me. With Miss Harper present, she reviewed her initial findings. I watched Miss Harper's fact as she talked, especially when she repeated that my vagina was estrogenized. She looked like she was going to be sick.
Grandmother Emma wanted to be sure I was getting the best possible medication and treatment and Dr. Dell'Acqua reassured her about that, citing some recent medical studies. I thought Ian would have liked to hear about that. I thought he might even know about it already.
Then Grandmother asked her if she thought Mama had waited too long to bring me to see her.
She shook her head and said, "I don't think so, Emma. Her condition is not irreversible. We'll help her. However," she continued, "there is another consideration here. Emma, the psychological. I'm sure," she said, looking at me and smiling, "that Jordan has many, many questions about herself and what is going on in her body. It's important you don't feel you're in any way freaky, Jordan. It's just a medical condition we'll correct. You should not be afraid to ask anything," she added, and my eves shifted toward Miss Harper. Her gaze drifted toward the ceiling. She looked like she wasn't enjoying being in here with me and Grandmother Emma.
Dr. Dell'Acqua turned back to Grandmother Emma. "I did tell Carol that she might need some professional therapy with this."
"That's why I have brought in Miss Harper," Grandmother said. "She has years and years of experience with children her age,'
"Hmmm" DT. Dell'Acqua muttered. I could see it wasn't exactly what she meant, but she didn't want to contradict my grandmother. "Okay, but if you need any additional assistance, please call and I'll point you in the right direction."
"I feel we're in the right direction now, Rene. Thank you."
She nodded, but when she glanced at me. I could see she wasn't as happy about it as she could be.
"From now on," Grandmother Emma told me in the limousine on our way home, "Miss Harper will be in charge of your medicine. She will determine what you should wear every morning and what you should do with your day."
"I'll make up a schedule for us," Miss Harper said, "just the way I would if you were in my schoolroom. We'll spend time on lessons, but you will have time to yourself, to play, to swim, and do things you like. It will be the most productive summer of your life," she assured me.
"Are you going to make up a schedule for Ian, too?" I asked. It would be like homeschooling and Ian was always saying he could do better if he had homeschooling, but I think he meant without a teacher, just teaching himself.