“There have been some abnormalities on my mother’s side.”
“Abnormalities? Like what?”
“My mother had a younger sister with Down syndrome. She died about ten years ago. Supposedly, there were two cousins on her father’s side who had similar problems.”
He nodded, his face tightening as his eyes darkened. “I see.”
“We have to go forward and have a CVS test done. Since there are some possible gender chromosome problems, we’ll know the sex of our baby.”
“Oh, that’s not really something that would bother me. I just wanted to keep the surprise, but in this case, of course. When are you doing this?”
“I’d like to do it immediately, now. I’m far enough along.”
“Okay.” He reached for my hand. “We’ll get through whatever it is, Lorelei, and I don’t blame you one bit for keeping your secret. In fact, it tells me how much you love me, how much you wanted to be sure we would be together.”
Oh, Liam, I thought, you are a hopeless romantic after all. You have been so misjudged, but not by me. But what would you be like if you knew the truth and if you knew what bargain I had made with my father? Looking into Liam’s trusting and loving eyes now made me despise my father more than I had thought possible. Look at the situation in which he had placed me. He had never really agreed to let me go. He had let me have this fling with a normal life, which would ironically bring me more pain than a long life with him and my sisters.
I returned to work with Liam, and two days later, he and I went into my doctor’s office to have the diagnostic procedure. She removed some chorionic villus cells from my placenta at the point where it attached to the uterine wall. Using an ultrasound guide, she moved a thin catheter through my cervix to my placenta and, as she described it, gently suctioned the CV cells into a catheter.
“I’m putting a rush on it,” she told us. “I’ll call you as soon as I have the results.”
Liam did his best to fill my every waking hour with something to distract me and to distract himself just as much, although he put on a good act pretending to be cool about it all. Every once in a while, he would repeat, “We’ll deal with it, whatever it is, and it won’t change us one bit.”
We decided not to tell anyone else. I wouldn’t tell Julia, and he wouldn’t tell his father especially.
“It’s our business now. Later, if we have to, we’ll have a family meeting about it,” he said. I knew he was thinking that if we had a genetically abnormal baby, we would seriously consider my aborting.
Sometimes during this waiting period, I almost wished that would be the result. What could Daddy do about that? It wasn’t my fault. Perhaps Liam and I would adopt. In a way I would have found an avenue of escape, wouldn’t I? Then I would feel terrible hoping for such a result. How selfish, I thought. I was certainly not considering Liam’s feelings, and I didn’t think I could survive the pity everyone would direct at me. I’d drown in it. In the end, it could very well destroy our marriage and send me back to my father and my sisters.
Maybe I wouldn’t do that, either. Maybe I would swim out in the ocean on a moonlit night and tread water for a few minutes before lifting my hands toward the sky and sinking into the dark, cool grip of death below.
It was Dr. Steffen’s receptionist who called me at the office to tell me that Liam and I should come to her office at four.
“Why didn’t she call me herself?” I demanded, my voice trembling.
“She’s delivering a baby.”
“Well, are there results?”
“I’m sorry. You’ll have to speak with the doctor,” she replied.
I thanked her, and then, shaking as I stood, I went down to Liam’s office. He was on the phone. He held up his hand while he finished his call quickly and then cradled the receiver, his face full of anticipation.
“Her secretary called. She’s delivering a baby. She wants us there at four.”
“Fine. Take it easy,” he said, coming around his desk. “Don’t read anything into anything yet. You want to go back to work, or do you want me—”
“No, no, I’ll work. I don’t want to think,” I said.
Every once in a while, I would get up and go to the window to look out at the street. I had a very strong feeling that Daddy was out there, waiting to hear the news and as anxious about it as I was. I didn’t see him, but that didn’t mean anything. I felt him.
The hours seemed to drag. I hated the hands of the clock for being so slow. Fortunately, Ken was out on a job, so he didn’t see how nervous I was. He would have been able to tell that something was seriously wrong. He could read me well by now.
At three thirty, Liam came for me. He tried to get me to talk, but I just shook my head. He held my hand as we walked out of the plant, and we drove in silence to the doctor’s office.
She had a patient before us, and unfortunately, that ran past four o’clock. Finally, we were told to go in. Liam kept his arm around my waist as if he anticipated that I might faint.
Dr. Steffen stood up as soon as we entered and smiled.