“He hasn’t said anything to me that I haven’t said to myself,” I replied. I glanced at my watch and wiped my lips.
“Don’t get cynical on me,” she warned as I started to rise. “You sound a little too much like Kiera.”
> I paused. Did I? I realized it was something Kiera might have said, but she would laugh about it, whereas I meant it.
“I’m really very happy to see Donald suddenly taking a greater interest in your welfare,” she continued. “He’s a great deal wiser than I am and will be a valuable adviser for you. We saw a little of that yesterday when he met Ryder. Donald has a wonderful eye for trouble and for avoiding it,” she added with a tone of caution intended for me.
Donald has a wonderful eye for trouble and avoiding it? How quickly she had turned from criticizing him, I thought. The cruel voice inside me was clamoring for me to say, If that is true, how do you explain Kiera? What about all the times you blamed him for letting her run wild, making excuses for her, getting her out of trouble? If I did ask these questions, I was sure she would burst into tears. Ironically, even though she was keen to point out frequently how fragile I still was, she didn’t see how fragile she was.
When I looked at her now, I wondered, was I looking at myself in years to come? Would I eventually choose to blind myself to all of the dark and negative things in my life and see everything through those famous rose-colored glasses? Would that be for me what it was for her, a way to survive, maybe the only way to survive? She had never looked as pathetic and lost to me as she did at this moment, and the irony was, she thought she was happy again.
“I don’t want to seem ungrateful,” I said. “I do appreciate his interest in my welfare, but he can’t say he believes I’m more mature for my age and not trust in my judgment, too.”
She nodded. “You’re right. We’re just so worried all the time. I don’t have to tell you why.”
“I’ll be all right,” I told her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek and started out.
“Don’t drive fast,” she called. “And let me know if you’re not coming right home after school.”
“Okay,” I said.
When I stepped out of the house, I felt a sense of relief and wondered, was this what Kiera always felt when she finally was able to get away from her parents? Was this what made her even more rebellious? Everyone knew the best way to get someone, especially a teenager, to do something was to tell him or her not to do it. It wasn’t something true only now; it was true always, and if Jordan and Donald looked back at their own youth and how they had behaved, they would admit it, too.
But I wasn’t interested in Ryder just to be defiant or prove I was master of my own fate and captain of my own soul. I was drawn to him for so many better reasons, the most important of which was kinship. I sensed we were alike. We did have similar pain and were haunted by some of the same demons. My curiosity about his parents didn’t come from the glamour and entertainment magazines. I wasn’t thinking of them as being celebrities. I was thinking of them as being his parents, and failed parents at that.
Maybe he was as excited about school today as I was and for the same reasons. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw that he was already there. His sister had gone in before him. He was waiting for me. There was something about the way he had dressed and brushed his hair that looked different, too. He simply looked sharper and, dare I think it, happier.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
He reached for my hand, and we started toward the entrance. Other students driving in glanced our way. Some gaped. Mona Kirland nearly drove into another car.
“So, can you come over to my house after school, or is that going to create a March earthquake?”
“No problem,” I said. “It’s educational.”
“Educational?”
“An arts-and-crafts exhibit.”
“Huh?”
“Your model planes, ships, and cars.”
“Oh.” He laughed as we entered the school and went to our lockers.
“I can’t believe there are no locks on these lockers,” he said.
“You didn’t read your contract when you entered.”
“No,” he said, laughing. “I don’t think I did. Why?”
“First, you should know that no one steals from anyone here. If anyone wants something someone else has, he or she just tells his or her parents, and they get it.”
He laughed.
“But more important, the school wants the students to know that the staff can go into your locker at any time and search for drugs or cigarettes. Cigarettes are not permitted on campus.”