“ ‘I bet you’re happy now.’ ”
Jordan lowered her head to think a moment and then looked up. “I don’t know what I’ll do about her now. She’s old enough to make her own decisions legally, and she has quite a trust fund that Donald insisted she be able to access when she was twenty-one, even though we knew she would not be finished with college, if she ever finishes. Now that I no longer want to be the obedient little rich wife and mother, I feel obligated to make her see how imperfect her supposedly perfect father is. I gave in too quickly on everything, and I felt sorry for Donald, too, after we lost Alena. I guess I let him get away with far too much. He took advantage of my sympathy.
“I am sorry now about the way he treated Ryder Garfield,” she continued. “Perhaps if I had been more sympathetic to Ryder’s problems, none of this might have happened.”
“You did what you thought was right,” I said. “Anyway, you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
I thought I knew what was bothering her. It was understandable.
“When you called Kiera and spoke to her roommate, you couldn’t keep that information from Ryder’s parents. It would have been irresponsible of you, maybe even illegal.”
“Excuse me?” she said, pulling herself back in the chair. “Kiera’s roommate? When did Kiera get a roommate? She had such trouble with the girls in her dorm ever since she was enrolled that I didn’t think she would ever get another roommate.”
“But she went to Europe with them last summer.”
“No, she didn’t go to Europe with them. She went on a group trip Donald arranged to match the one the school was doing. Did she tell you something different?”
“She has to have a roommate now,” I insisted. “Whom did you speak with when you called looking for us?”
“I never called, Sasha. I don’t understand what you’re saying. I thought you knew what had happened.”
I felt the blood draining from my face.
“Oh, my God,” Jordan said, realizing. “Kiera told you I called?”
I nodded. “What did happen, then?” I asked.
“Kiera called Donald and told him she had just found out that Ryder Garfield was going to meet you at the motel. She claimed she knew nothing about it and didn’t want him blaming her. She told him exactly where you were, room number and all, and said she was sorry she had planned this special outing. She had been expecting it to be only you and her.
“He called me immediately, raging about it. He said he called Dr. Steiner to see if Ryder had indeed left the school. She had just discovered that he had and had just called his parents. Donald told her exactly where Ryder was going, and Dr. Steiner called his parents with the information.
“Of course, I don’t think any of us imagined that Ryder would be so distraught that he would take his own life. No matter what was going on in that family, no parent would want to lose a child that way.”
I really thought for a moment that I had lost the ability to move, even to swallow.
“You knew how adamant Donald was about it all,” she continued. “Of course, I wonder now what really motivated him, just as I wondered what truly motivated him to buy you that expensive necklace.”
“I don’t want it,” I said. “Sell it, and give the money to some charity, to the homeless.”
She did look different behind Donald’s desk; she did look stronger, and that took the trembling out of my body.
“What are you going to do today?” she asked as I started out of the office.
I thought a moment. “Get off my knees. I’m not making and selling lanyards anymore.”
I didn’t elaborate to take the look of confusion off her face. That would have to come later, I thought, and went upstairs to get my things together.
I wrote a note for Jordan, explaining that I wouldn’t be able to have dinner with her. I asked her not to worry about me and pinned the note to the outside of my door, and then I left the house quietly. Alberto had parked my car in the garage the day Donald had picked me up at school. As unobtrusively as I could, I got in, started it up, and drove away. A short time later, I was on the freeway heading north to Kiera’s school.
There is an old saying Donald actually uses. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
In the back of my mind, I could hear my mother softly chastising me.
“Remember the safety valve? Remember being skeptical? Remember me telling you that the world is divided into two kinds of people, the gullible and the deceptive? It’s only good and sensible self-defense to be distrusting and a little deceptive yourself. This isn’t paradise yet. We’re always in one danger or another, no matter where we are. Remember all that?”
“Yes, Mama, I do,” I said. “I was a fool.”
After nearly two hours, my cell phone rang. I saw that it was Jordan, but I didn’t answer it. She would only ask me to turn around and come home. I knew she would be angry and disappointed in me, but I was as determined to do what I had to do as she was determined to do what she had to do. I hoped she would understand.