"Thank you."
He gave me some towels and a fresh bar of soap and I went into the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. Living in the servants' quarters at Endfield Place after having been spoiled at
Grandmother Hudson's was difficult, but it helped me appreciate things I had taken for granted.
After I showered, I brushed out my hair. Randall was waiting in another robe when I returned to his room, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling, trying to be patient. He sat up quickly as soon as I appeared.
"I'll just be a few minutes," he said. His eyes lingered on me as if he was unable to stop them from staring.
"I miss my shower," I said. "I'm sorry I took longer than I should have."
"It's all right." He smiled. What a beautiful smile he has, always so fresh, I thought. His wellprotected life had kept him so unscathed there wasn't a mark or a scar, not an ugly sight or thought souring what nature had given him at the start. The purity and innocence of his eyes made me feel young and fresh and full of hope.
As he started past me, we touched and the contact stopped him only inches from my lips. I could see the confusion in his eyes, the struggle within him between the forces that wanted him simply to reach out and seize me, and that part of him that demanded he be respectful and polite. At the moment, I hated that part and perhaps tempted him by moving my face closer.
"Rain," he whispered, and we kissed. It was a sharp, clean touch that put little sparks on my lips, tiny explosions sending a hot sensation down through my stomach. I was still naked beneath the soft terrycloth robe and he was naked beneath his as well.
We kissed again. His hands undid my robe and mine undid his. His lips went to my neck, to my chin, to my nose and eyes as he leaned forward. I felt his hardness grow against me, but my robe remained partially closed.
He lifted his face away and gazed at me,
"Rain," he said, "I can't pull myself out of your eyes. I felt myself drawn to them as soon as we looked at each other."
He made it sound like a confession. It was as if he was a little boy admitting his mischief.
"It's all right," I said and he kissed me again as his hands moved under my robe and over my breasts.
I moaned, and my legs felt weak. I thought he would lift me into his arms and bring me to his bed, but he kissed me again and again and then he pulled himself back and closed his robe quickly, grimacing as if he was in terrible pain.
"We'd better stop," he said.
Before I could reach for him or even shake my head, he turned and fled the room. I stood there, trembling. I had to sit on the bed and wait for my heart to stop pounding and the blood in my body to cool. I could hear the shower going. I would rather never have been brought to this point than brought here and left dangling, I thought. A surge of anger rushed through me and then I lay back and told myself he was only trying to do the right thing.
What was the right thing? Leslie and Catherine would have tackled him at the door and dragged him back to the bed, I imagined and laughed to myself. I sat up, gazing at myself in the mirror on the back of the armoire door. I looked flushed, my eyes still electric. Calm down, Rain Arnold, I told myself. Get some control.
I took deep breaths and then went to my things and started to dress. He came in while I was still in my bra and panties.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, starting to back out.
"Randall, after what just happened, I don't think you have to step out," I said.
He smiled, nodded and came in, going right to his closet.
"I didn't mean for it to happen like that," he said with his back to me. "I mean, I didn't intend... that wasn't why I suggested you come here and all. I don't want you to think that," he said.
"Stop worrying about it," I told him after I slipped on my dress.
He turned to me. He had his pants on, but no shirt. "Really? You're not angry at me or anything?" "There's no reason to be angry at you, or even myself,"
I said. "We're both adults, aren't we? If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't."
He smiled.
"Yeah, that's right." He thought a moment. I could almost hear him telling himself that he had been a fool to rush out. It brought a smile to my face. Then he glanced at the clock on his desk. "We'd better get going," he said. "They might not let us in if we get there after the play has begun."
We completed our dressing in silence, moving safely around each other in his room, actually trying not to touch. It was as if we both believed that if we touched, we would lock in a passionate embrace and throw all caution out the window.
He looked very handsome in his blue blazer and tie. I fixed his hair for him and then we hurried out and down the stairs. As we rounded the turn in the lobby, I heard a door open and saw Leslie. She gave me a big wide smile, then laughed and stepped back into her room.