"I couldn't help but hear. When he said white girls work too? What did he mean by that?"
"Who knows?" she said shrugging as she pulled herself up onto the sofa. She lay back, holding the ice to her eye. I looked at Beni, who was embracing herself and looked like she was about to burst into tears, too.
"Where's he going?" I asked. Mama didn't answer. "What did he mean, you didn't get enough from them? Enough from whom, Mania?"
"Stop asking so many questions, Rain:' she snapped at me. "See about the dinner before something burns."
I rose slowly, looking from Beni to Mama.
"You always tell us it's a bigger sin to lie to each other, Mama. You always say that."
"Oh Rain, please. Don't we have enough trouble already?"
"Where's Ken going, Mama? Who does he expect will give him more money and what does it have to do with me? Please, Mama. Tell me." Mama never avoided my questions. The way she was acting now scared me more than Ken's violence had.
"Oh Lordy, Lord, help me," she wailed and rocked herself.
"Mama?"
She raised her eyes to the ceiling. I knew she was praying. I looked at Beni, who looked as frightened as I felt as she stood there, practically holding her breath.
"Mama?"
She looked at me, her lips pressed hard together.
"This isn't the way I wanted you to find out, Rain. This isn't right."
"Please, just tell me, Mama:'
My heart pounded. I held my hands against my stomach. Tears clouded my eyes.
"Why can't you just let it be, child?"
"Mama, please, just tell me," I cried. I felt Beni step up beside me.
Mama took a deep breath. She seemed to reach down into her very soul for the strength.
"He's going to try to get your real mama to give him more money," she said.
And it was as if the ceiling of our apartment had come crashing down around me.
That long awaited thunder roared through my ears, and then, silence.
4
All I've Ever Known
.
I glanced at Beni; her eyes were whirlpools of
confusion and her jaw hung open as if she was in the middle of a scream. Mama looked like she was on fire. Her face was filled with that much pain. I felt as if I had gone deaf. All the usual noises around me had died. I heard no footsteps, no shouts from the hallways, no clanging pipes or wailing car sirens from the street below. The only sound was the rumble following the rush of blood from my face down into my neck.
Without saying a word, I turned and ran out of the living room and then out the front door.
"Rain!" Mama shouted, but I let the door shut off her voice and I charged down the stairs, my whole body thumping with every step.
I didn't even remember leaving the building. One moment I was standing there looking at Mama and Beni and the next I was on the street, walking so fast I was practically running. I didn't hear or see anyone or anything, including cars. Horns blared, and people shouted at me when I crossed against the light. One automobile's brakes screeched so sharply and loudly, my ears stung. However, I kept walking as if I knew where I was going. Tears streamed down my face and flew off my chin. My chest felt as if it was going to explode, but I didn't stop even though the world in front of me and around me was a blur.