Rain (Hudson 1)

"Good," she said when I finished. "She's doing the right thing. Good."

"I don't think she has the happiest family, Mama," I told her, and described some of what my mother had told me about her daughter Alison and her sister Victoria.

"Every family, rich or poor, has problems, Rain. It's just easier to handle them when you don't have the rest of it to worry your head over like we do. Well," she said rising, "I'll see to supper. Your brother's going to come home with- a big appetite. He's put in a long day today. He doesn't want to leave Slim with anything undone. If only his father had half his sense of responsibility, we wouldn't be where we are," she moaned.

I set the table and then went into my room to complete my packing. I wasn't going to take much, I thought, but every time I debated over something, I ended up deciding it belonged with me. Mama worried that I was taking too much.

"You don't want to go and bring a lot of old clothes and things to a new life, honey. Just leave it be. I'll give some of it away. I already have most of Beni's stuff packed to give to the thrift store for charity."

I reconsidered and took out nearly half of what I had packed. In the end I had only one suitcase and a small bag to take with me.

"I wish I had more to give you, honey," Mama told me.

"You gave me more than my real mother could ever give me, Mama. Money can't buy what you gave me and still give me," I reminded her.

She smiled and hugged me and then we finished preparing dinner and waited for Roy. He came home about a half hour later than usual.

"I worked as fast as I could," he said, "but we got interrupted a lot today with minor repairs."

"Just wash up, son. We've got everything warm and ready," Mama said.

It didn't occur to me until he came out and sat across from me that this might very well be our last dinner together for a very long time, maybe ...forever. Whatever appetite I had, evaporated. I picked at my food.

"We all have to wipe the sad faces off," Mama declared. "We're all going to do something better, hear. It's going to be all right. No one's saying goodbye forever. Don't make me feel like I'm not doing the right thing," she pleaded.

Roy smiled.

"It's not that, Mama:' he said looking about our rundown apartment, "I'm just going to miss the roaches and the noise so much."

Mama laughed and I smiled. It broke the cloud of doom that hovered over us and we talked with more energy and excitement about the things we were planning to do. Then Roy said he had heard

something about Ken.

"Charlie over at the Big Top Hamburger said he saw him the other day with Greasy Max and Dudley. He said they looked like they were planning

something he called not kosher."

"He'll end up like his brother," Mama predicted, "in some lockup." She shook her head. "Sad to see it happen. You kids can't remember him the way he used to be, maybe, but there was a time when he was full of hope and strength and just bursting with good energy. I suppose that's what attracted me to him the most," she thought, "his beautiful dreams. I couldn't imagine someone with so many good dreams not making at least one come true.

"Be careful about your dreams," she told us. "When they get too big, dump them."

"I don't plan on dreaming much in the army, Mama," Roy said laughing. "I'll be too tired."

"You'll dream," she said. "And you'll make yours come true."

None of us wanted to go to sleep. We were afraid of the dark, of our own thoughts, and especially of the morning. Mornings were always beginnings to me before this. Now, morning was an end.

About an hour or so after I went to bed, I heard my door open and looked up to see Roy standing beside me. He was so quiet, I thought for a minute that I just imagined he was there. Then he knelt and took my hand in his and held it for a long moment.

"Don't fall in love with anyone too fast, Rain:' he begged. "One day I'll come strutting into your life again and I'll be different. I'll be older, a man, and you'll think of me as someone else, just like I told you you would."

"I won't fall in love with anyone fast," I promised, "but you promise me that you won't stop yourself from falling in love with someone else, Roy. This is too high a mountain for us to climb and it just might not be meant to be."

"I'll always love you, Rain, and it will always be more than the love a brother has for his sister." He was quiet for a moment and then he looked up through the darkness and added, "Maybe that's why I hate Daddy. He brought you here and he made you my sister. It was wrong and it wasn't natural. He put us in this place."

"We might never have met otherwise, Roy," I pointed out.

"Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. Maybe there is something magical about people who really fall in love. Maybe they can't help it from happening. Just don't forget me," he said. "Twirl that ring from time to time."