I thought about disagreeing more, but I didn't. I had to admit I was curious about Corbette. That's all I was prepared to admit to.
However, after I hung up, I gazed at my window and imagined Roy's face reflected on the glass.
He looked back at me with scornful disapproval and concern, his eyes filled with that dark worry I often saw.
It put a chill in my spine and for a moment, I wondered if I wasn't better off just living like my real mother had: behind these castle walls, protected by that imaginary moat.
At least until I had to go forth and make my way. The answer wasn't long in coming.
15
Fact or Fiction?
.
My mother called me late in the morning to tell
me she had spoken with Grandmother Hudson and she was doing fine. She would definitely be home the next day. Then she added, "I'm bringing Brody and Alison to visit her next weekend. I was hoping Grant would come, too, but he has a political function he has to attend."
"Have you told them anything about me?" I asked her.
"Nothing more than Mother and I have told anyone else," she said. "With all that's happened, I don't think this is a good time to throw anything else at them. It will be difficult enough for them to learn the truth when the time comes," she said.
When the time comes? I thought. When would that be? How will they be told? Was it any less difficult for me to learn the truth?
"For now, let's just keep things the way they are. Everything seems to be working out, right?" she asked. It sounded more like a plea.
"Yes," I said gazing around at my big room. How ironic it was that I felt like I was just as much a prisoner here as I had been in the Projects. Only instead of bars on the windows, I was caged in behind secrets and lies.
My mother concluded our conversation with only vague promises thrown my way. Some time in the future, we would become a real family. I suddenly felt as if I had been turned into an orphan, someone without a history. All the adults in my life were like prism lights, changing colors constantly, confusing my thoughts. Was I just a foolish, gullible girl clinging to false hope? The weight of it all began to put me into a pool of depression, sadness rippling around me.
However, the sunlight brightening my curtains quickly washed away the gloom. Anyone would call this a nearly perfect day, I thought when I gazed out at the turquoise sky with small puffs of marshmallow clouds barely moving through it. All of the greenery, the flowers, the fountains and even the stone pathways glittered with a vibrancy. It lifted my spirits and I remembered that Corbette was coming by to pick me up at two.
I sifted through my wardrobe and chose the boot cut heather gray pants and a creamy silk blouse. I put on lipstick, brushed my hair until it gleamed and then I studied myself in the mirror wondering what the boys of Sweet William really saw when they gazed at me. Of course there would always be those who wouldn't get past my darker skin and judge me alone on that, but what about those who did? Did they see me as someone exotic or as simply someone who was the product of mixing races? To some I might even be a mistake.
Was I really as attractive as Mama used to say? Wasn't my forehead too wide and my nose too big? And my shoulders ... weren't they too narrow?
As I gazed at myself, it suddenly occurred to me that soon I would be standing on that stage in the school's theater and performing before hundreds of people, all with their eyes on me. Every imperfection would be out there for the world to see. What had I done? What fantasy world had I been in when I agreed to do this? I was sure to get stage fright. How could I back out of it now? To desert the play at this point would be unforgivable and a terrible way to start at a new school. Somehow, I had to get through it, and maybe working with Corbette like this would help, I hoped.
When it was nearly two o'clock, I lingered near the front door.I hadn't told Merilyn where I was going. It was none of her business, I thought, and yet, what if she needed me or what if Grandmother Hudson called? Reluctantly, I searched her out and found her reading a magazine in the den-office. She nearly jumped out of her dress when I appeared.
"Why are you sneaking up on me like that?" she demanded.
"I was hardly sneaking up on you. I thought you said Mrs. Hudson didn't want anyone in here."
"I have to come in here to clean, don't I?"
"Look, I don't care if you're in here or not. I just came to tell you that if anyone needs me, I'm going to study my play lines with Corbette Adams for a few hours." "And I suppose you're making your own dinner again?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I might as well take tonight off. I'm owed a night extra," she said petulantly.
"You don't have to have my permission," I said.
"I know that. I'm just telling you in case someone calls for me," she whined.
I heard a car horn and hurried back to the front door. Corbette had driven up in a sporty, late model red Corvette convertible.