The End of the Rainbow (Hudson 4)

"Oh. I think she hoped I would never find out, but her husband was a hard man, in and out of trouble, losing jobs, irresponsible, and he revealed it all in a drunken rage one day. She had no choice. I cried a lot when I found out she wasn't really my mother,"

"I'd die if that happened to me," I said.

"I guess I nearly did, but she was a tough little lady. After Bentatha's death. my Mama was

determined to save me from that world. She confronted Grandmother Megan to insist she take on her responsibilities, which meant, to take me back. Of course, as you know, she was very, very sick, but it was like her to keep that a secret as well. She knew I would never leave her if I knew the truth.'

"It must have broken her heart to see you ao live with someone else."

"Both our hearts, but she never shed a tear in front of me. I'm sure she cried privately," she said sighing and growing silent for a moment.

"Anyway," she continued. "when I came here. Grandmother Hudson was not what you kids would call a happy camper. She was like a tyrant with her rules and threats. but I surprised her. I guess. I did so well in school and shocked her with my good behavior. Soon, she was confiding more in me than she was in her own daughters. Eventually, she needed me as much as I needed her, which was what made her sacrifice so great."

"What sacrifice?"

"Arranging for me to go live in England with her sister so I could attend a prestigious school for the performing arts. Just as we had gotten to know and love each other, she was in effect giving me up. The last time I saw her was when she said goodbye to me on our front steps. I often wonder if she would have lived longer had I remained here,"

She was quiet a long moment and then smiled.

"But, if we dwell on the past, we're prisoners of it," she said. "The good thing was I gained selfconfidence and realized who I really was. She gave me more than just my name; she gave me my identity, my sense of self.

"That's what has to happen to Harley. Despite the bravado he puts on, he's a very frightened young man. He doesn't know where he belongs yet."

"Why is Uncle Ray so mean to him then. Mommy?"

"That's another story." she said. "Please, tell me. Mommy."

"I wish you could go to sleep with a head full of cotton candy tonight, honey."

"I can't. Please, tell me," I begged her. "I'm not a child anymore."

"No. I guess you're not." She looked down a moment and then took a deep breath and began,

"Years ago. when Roy and I discovered we weren't really brother and sister, he confessed his love for me. He wanted us to be man and wife. He carried that hope with him even after he had joined the army. Despite the fact that we didn't share blood. I couldn't think of him as anyone but my brother. I tried. but I couldn't. It was a big disappointment for him. He always blamed cruel Fate and not me. He was devastated when he discovered I had married your father, but you were already born and he realized it was meant to be.

"I was happy when he started to court Glenda. I thought maybe he had gotten over it. I think he was well on his way, too, when tragedy struck and they lost Latisha. I never doubted that if he had her, he would be a better father for Harley as well.

"So don't judge hi

m too harshly. He's still trying to find himself. too, trying to find some peace. Aunt Glenda is almost another child for him to take care of these days."

"I don't know why we're all in such a rush to get older," I said, pursing my lips. "We never knew how good we had it when we were just six or seven."

Mommy laughed.

"I mean it. When I was little, everything looked magical out there, just the way I hoped it would be today, but when you get older, you have to see reality and be mature and there goes all your pretty dreams."

"That's true, honey, but you're on your way to becoming a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and there's a different sort of magic waiting for you now, a magic you'll create in your own way."

"How can you say all that. Mommy, you of all people, considering what happened to you?"

"I have blessings. I have you to watch grow up. I'd rather be here in a wheelchair than not here at all. Yes. I lost my opportunities and my dreams, but they were quickly replaced with new ones, different ones. I guess happiness comes in different packages, honey, and when we think it can only come in one, we are a little blind."

I smiled at her. She was truly the strongest woman I knew. Everyone else would look at her and think handicapped, think she was only someone to be pitied.

"I just wanted my wonderful day to be wonderful for everyone." I moaned.

"Harley will be back and he'll find himself," she assured me. "I'd better get back downstairs."