"Whenever I ask, she says you don't want to know a man who deserted us. Once. I said maybe he didn't know you were pregnant, but she claims he knew for sure. Then she clams up and refuses to talk any more about him. I haven't even tried to ask her anything about him in a long time, maybe a year, but the dream keeps coming back.
"I keep thinking that maybe, maybe if I found out where he was, he would be interested in me and maybe help me and maybe I wouldn't be such a loser, at least not to him. I know I am to everyone else."
"You're not a loser to me, Harley." "I will be," he insisted.
"No, you won't. You're going to bear down and study for your finals and pass all your tests so you can graduate. Then you're going to try to be an architect, just like your art teacher told you."
"Sure," he said.
"I'll help you study."
"You will?"
"If you promise to try, really try. Will you?"
"I might," he said. "Just to prove Roy wrong," he added with a smile.
"Uncle Roy doesn't want you to be a failure. Harley. He's just afraid."
"Roy? Afraid? That's the only man alive whose shadow stays a few extra feet back."
I laughed.
"I don't fault him for that." Harley continued. "You want to know something else I haven't told you? I used to really idolize Roy, really look up to him. There was nothing I wanted more than being as strong and as feared as he is. I always thought it was better to have people afraid of you. That's why I worked beside him on construction. I thought I had to become as tough and as hard and I'd be all right.
"One time. I saw him lift a gown man with one arm and nearly choke him to death. He wagged him about like a rag doll before he put the guy down." "Why did he do that?"
"He heard the man call him a dirty name. I bet every time that 'cracker' used a dirty name like that, he recalled nearly being hung in boy's powerful hand and it choked him up," Harley said smiling. "He's got strength inside him that even he doesn't realize."
"Sometimes, you sound like you still idolize him. Harley."
"I don't want to idolize anyone. People let you down all the time. My motto is believe in no one but yourself," he declared.
"I won't let you down. Harley."
"You will, but you won't be able to help it. Summer. That's the only difference." he predicted.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then I looked at the present in my hand.
"I saved opening this until I could do it with you," I said.
"Oh. It's nothing like the gifts you got from everyone else." he warned. "You shouldn't make a big deal of it."
"I don't care what it is. Harley. It's a big deal to me and don't tell me what to make important and unimportant in my life," I snapped.
He laughed.
"Okay. I'm sorry. And people accuse me of having a temper."
Carefully, I peeled away the gift wrapping paper. It was a thin flat box. I lifted the top. There wasn't much light, but the glow of the stars gave me enough to see a line drawing,
"What is this?"
I studied it, tilting it so I could see every detail. In moments I realized it was a picture of me and Mommy holding hands and gazing out over the lake. A blackbird was just over the center. Long ago. I had told Harley about this special wishing ceremony of ours. but I never thought he would remember how important it was to me.
"You drew this?"
"I watched you and Rain do that a few times