"Harley, we've got to get you out of here. We've got to," I moaned. "Please help me think of something. I've been screaming at the door, but she's performing some other ritual and she won't listen."
I waited to see if he had heard and understood, but he didn't open his eves. His body had become so still and his skin so clammy in fact that it put a terrible panic in me, despite my grand effort to be like my father.
"Harley!" I shook him. "Harley, stay awake. Harley! Please try to think of something. Harley!"
He didn't open his eyes. I felt for his pulse. It was light. slow.
He's going to die. Harley's really going to die! I concluded and finally, the dam I had built to stay in control shattered. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Hurrying as quickly as I could to get back to the stairway, I put too much pressure on my bad foot as I charged across the room and my ankle sent needles into my heart. I had to stop to gasp for breath. When I reached the stairway, I smelled a terrible stench. Climbing up slowly toward the door. I could see where the slime had been poured until it had reached the top step. The area looked charred. Whatever it was it had been ignited and it filled the area with a stink that made me choke and dry heave. The stench was that putrid. Despite my panic and urgency. I had to retreat.
She's even keeping me from begging for help. I thought. Enraged. I stepped back and then picked up the piece of lumber Harley had used to rip through the wall to the back room. and I heaved it with all my strength at the door to the stairway. It slammed with a loud clunk and then bounced back down the steps and fell to the floor.
I waited and listened, but no one upstairs acknowledged it. There was just a heavy silence, so deep and so complete, the beating of my own heart sounded like parade drums.
They won't help us. I thought. They just don't care. We'll surely die down here.
Defeated and lost. I made my way back and returned to Harley's bedside. His face looked flushed again. I touched his cheek. His fever had returned, only it was worse. Desperate. I got the cold water and started to sponge him down, working as quickly as I could. I felt like someone trying to bail water out of the Manic. Tragedy was rushing in on us. Soon, we would drown in it.
Mommy. I thought. I made such a terrible mistake. You can forgive me for anything, but you can't forgive me for leaving you and Daddy like this.
You can't forgive me because I can't forgive myself. Maybe if I hadn't agreed to go. Harley wouldn't have gone. We wouldn't be here. This wouldn't be happening to us, to all of us.
Exhausted myself, my arms and shoulders now joining my ankle in a chorus of aches and pains. I crawled beside Harley and brought his head to my bosom.
"Harley, what are we going to do? Oh Harley," I cried. My tears were so hot. They were coming fast and furious. I wiped them away and closed my eyes.
We lay there, quiet, like two souls waiting to be called home.
I didn't know whether it was just my
imagination or sympathy pains, but suddenly. I felt the tiniest string of needlelike pain shooting through my lower stomach. It grew stronger and stronger until I had to gasp for a breath and sit up. The moment I did so. I doubled up and groaned. The pain began to rise in waves toward my chest. As it climbed, my legs began to grow numb. It was like being lowered into the lake back home when a sheet of ice covered it. My arms became limp. I fell back on the bed beside Harley and turned my face toward his. His evys fluttered, his lips parted just a little.
"Harley," I thought I shouted. It was merely a weak whisper. I edged closer to him until my lips touched his cheek. And then I closed my eyes.
We were children again. All of us were on the lawn behind my house. Daddy had set up a croquet game. We had picnicked and there was a soft Chopin melody flowing from a speaker near the rear windows. Harley and I were trying to hammer our red and green balls through the hoops, and our attempts brought ribbons of laughter from the adults. Harley paid no attention to them. He was intent, his concentration determined. He took a swing and sent his ball through beautifully. There was applause.
Roy was laughing loudly. Daddy was patting Harley on the back. I tried harder now and managed finally to get my ball through, and there was applause again. I looked at Mommy. She seemed to have sunshine coming from her face. Her smile glowed so warmly. I felt like I could rise and float to her.
We were all angels then, a family of angels on a warm spring afternoon with a sky as blue as
Mommy's precious teacups, forgetting everything but our own joy in each other. Latisha was still alive, but Aunt Glenda held her tightly against her breasts. holding her just like someone who knew there were evil demons out there anxious to pluck her out of her arms the moment they had the opportunity.
The memory of all of us so happy brought a smile to my face. I could feel it settling on my lips. How easy it was to just let go and float back to joyful times. This way there would be no more pain, no more tears.
Can't we start again, all of us? Can't we have a second chance? Can't we keep the doors of the cuckoo clock closed and stop time from moving us forward, the hands on the face frozen? The hardest thing about leaving the ones you love was knowing how terrible they would feel, how crushed they would be. Please don't drag us another second into the future that waited hungrily to gulp us down. I prayed.
A very deep and heavy groan rumbled through Harley's body. He, too, was struggling to come back, to pull himself up from the dark pool that waited below. I pressed my fingers against his and curled them around his so we were holding on to each other now, holding on like two shipwrecked travelers desperately clinging to a life raft.
I fell a
sleep again. I don't know how long we both slept. My eyes were so full of haze that whenever I opened them and looked around the room, it seemed we were floating in the center of some cloud and trying to see the world around us. I couldn't even make out the numbers on my watch. but I suddenly didn't care. What difference did time make? Time was only a reminder that soon we would be saying goodbye. I thought.
Sleep. I told myself. Sleep and forget.
And then suddenly there was a great explosion of sound. It was as if the entire house was crashing down around us. I lifted my head and gazed toward the doorway. Everything was out of focus. but I could see someone tall and big was coming at us, moving in slow motion and crawling like a bear. His long, thick arms slipped around us. He lifted me with only his left arm and seconds later lifted Harley with only his right. He held the two of us with such ease it was as if we were infants. Then he lumbered back toward the door, his growl rolling like a stream of smoke trailing behind us.
I closed my eyes and felt myself being carried. I could hear his footsteps beneath us slamming down with each step so hard he surely shattered the very floor. In moments we were going up the stairway. I saw light and when I looked to the right. I saw the door had been driven in and hung from its bottom hinge. Without a pause, we were turned and carried down the hallway toward the front door. There was more crawling.
It wasn't until we were outside and the fresh air washed over me that I could open my eyes