I will get stronger. I chanted. I will.
Early the next morning Jake appeared. I was already dressed and in my chair.
"Well now," he said. "don't you look pretty?"
I had taken some time with my hair and put on some lipstick. I was so nervous my hand shook and I had to wipe the lipstick off and do it again. As I sat there waiting for Jake, my stomach had filled with goldfish swimming in mad circles and tickling my insides.
"What's it like outside?" I asked him.
"It's a beautiful summer day. The sky was a pink pearl color when I woke this morning. I woke early in anticipation,'" he said.
"I didn't sleep in anticipation."
He laughed.
"Well, it's time to go home. Princess."
"You know all that Victoria has arranged for me?"
"Yes. I have to admit she did a great job on preparing your bedroom. If there is anything invented for someone in your condition, she's got it there. I met your aide." he added with an impish smile. "She's tot bigger arms than me and bigger shoulders and she looks like she could wipe up the devil with just a scowl. Victoria must have gone to great lengths to find her. She's no nonsense."
He got behind my chair and started to wheel me out of the room.
"Wait, Jake," I said and turned to look at the room that had become something of a sanctuary.
"You don't belong here. Princess,' Jake whispered. "Let's get out of here."
He put his hand over mine and I nodded, closed my eyes and lay back in the chair. On the way out, all my nurses and some of the therapists made sure to say good-bye and wish me luck. I looked for Doctor Synder, but she wasn't around. She had said her goodbye and left me without fanfare. Was it just part of her treatment or was it because she couldn't bring herself to say good-bye? I liked to think we had become far more than doctor and patient. Visiting her would be a top priority for me. I thought,
Grandmother Hudson's Rolls-Royce was parked at the curb. For the first time ever in my life. I had to be helped into the backseat. The doctors wanted me to put more confidence in my right leg, use it more to move myself from the wheelchair to another chair and especially into a car, but it was a bit awkward and Jake didn't want me to feel embarrassed. He didn't wait for me to adjust myself. Instead, he scooped me up and put me in as if I were a baby,
"Let's just get you out of here and home," he said avoiding my eyes.
He folded up the chair and put it in the trunk and then he got behind the wheel.
"Got your safety belt on?" he asked.
"I can sit fine. Jake. Stop treating me like a cripple.' He laughed. It brought relief to both of us.
"Home James," I ordered.
"Right, right."
He started away and I looked back at the hospital. Had I really been there all this time? Was I really paralyzed? When will you wake up, Rain Arnold? Can't you shake off this nightmare?
Jake hated every moment of silence. He talked and talked, describing the smallest, simpliest things about the house, the maintenance, the grounds, the changing foliage. He babbled, even describing the plot of a television movie he had watched.
"Where is Rain now. Jake?" I asked,
interrupting him.
"Rain? Oh, she's at a real horse farm north of Virginia. They'll treat her right, don't worry. I got a good price for her."
"You're a liar. Jake," I said. "No, no, I did."
"I really wish you hadn't sold her, Jake. She'll always feel lonely."
"I just couldn't give her the attention she needed. Princess. That was it. Really."