Misty (Wildflowers 1)

"My mother brags to them about how she makes my father's life as miserable as she can, proudly using me like a sword over his head whenever possible. She told them all about the bills and how she wields her attorney's power over him and his attorney and the other women clapped and congratulated her, cheering as if she had won some major battle for women's rights.

"I told Lloyd about it and he said he never wanted to be a parent and he wouldn't get married unless the woman he was with felt the same way.

"'Who wants to ruin someone else's life?' he said.

"I thought that was very sad, but I understood. He and I had been seeing each other on and off for a little more than two weeks by this time. Mostly we saw each other at school or met at the mall. I knew all my friends expected that he would be like some sex maniac, but he wasn't like that at all. He was actually shy, almost afraid to touch or kiss.

"When I told this to Darlene, who had been constantly after me to tell her something just so she could go gossiping, she said he was probably just using a technique on me, like some spider trying to tempt me into his web. I admit that put the idea in my head, but even when I agreed and went to his home with him one afternoon, he didn't try anything.

"

'You sure you want to permit a Beverly to see your room?' I asked him and he told me he was absolutely sure now that I wasn't any Beverly. Two weeks before I wouldn't have considered it much of a compliment, but it was the same as him telling me he trusted me, he respected me, he thought I was real.

"His apartment was small and his mother didn't keep it well. There were dishes left over from yesterday's meal, dust on the windowsills and furniture, bad stains in the rugs. Everything in it, the appliances, the furniture, the rugs and even the walls looked tired, worn. He explained that at the time his mother had a new boyfriend and was at his place a lot. I didn't realize that meant Lloyd was home alone for days sometimes, but I soon understood that was the case. That first day there, I actually cleaned a lot of it up, something I rarely if ever had done in my own home. Lloyd kept telling me I didn't have to.

"'I know I don't,' I said, tut I want to do it for you.' "He looked at me differently and I saw he really cared for me.

"'My mother will know I brought someone up here,' he said. 'She knows I don't do much housecleaning.'

" So let her know,' I told him He liked that, too. "One night when my mother was having the MHA over, I told her I was meeting Darlene at the mall and took a cab to Lloyd's apartment instead. He was very surprised to see me. What he liked the most was my just doing it, being impulsive like him. I was afraid I'd find him with some other girl or his mother would be home and she wouldn't approve, but he was alone.

"We played some music and talked for a while and suddenly, finally, I was in his arms, kissing him It didn't take us long to get undressed and into his bed. I was very frightened, but not of him I was afraid of myself, afraid that I suffered Mommy's problem, whatever that was, and Lloyd wouldn't like me anymore just like my father didn't like my mother. I really wanted to find out for myself.

"Lloyd was surprised to learn that I wasn't a virgin, but he wasn't upset about it. He took his time and was caring, far more gentle and romantic than Charles Allen with all his wealth and sophistication.

"We began slowly. I kept anticipating great pain, but instead, I began to feel great pleasure. I knew I was being reckless because he didn't use any protection, but I felt drunk on my feelings, rushing over erotic highways, and not caring if I crashed.

"I was so happy afterward. I felt like I had proven I could be normal and that the man I married wouldn't find me frigid and divorce me too.

"Lloyd and I grew closer, of course, but I was afraid to invite Lloyd to my house. I knew what my mother would think of him when she saw him and how she would react and make my life even more miserable at home. The following week Lloyd and I were plotting how to spend an entire night together at his house. On Wednesday, however, he was very depressed when I met him at school and he told me his mother was going to be home and her boyfriend was spending the weekend with her. I had been trying to find someone I could trust to pretend to have invited me over and now I didn't have any reason to.

"Then, my father called. I had forgotten I was scheduled to be with him at his place, but as was often the case, he had a reason why I had to skip the weekend. He was going to be away on business again.

"Only this time," I said smiling at Star, "I didn't tell my mother. She thought I would be with my father all weekend."

"Cool," Star said.

"Weren't you afraid she would find out?" Cat asked. She had been sitting so quietly, barely moving, acting like a little girl hearing a story read by her mother or teacher, terrified someone or something would interrupt.

"I didn't care. Maybe I wanted to get caught," I told her. She looked down quickly.

"So where were you two going to go, a motel?" Jade asked.

"No. Someplace better. Daddy had told me where he kept the spare key to the apartment hidden just in case I ever was to come over and he and Ariel weren't there yet. It was behind a cabinet in his parking space under the building.

"We went to the apartment. Lloyd was very impressed with the place. He got into Daddy's liquor cabinet and I made us something to eat. We pretended like it was really our apartment and we were married. We watched television and began to get passionate. It was my idea for us to use Daddy's bedroom instead of mine It just seemed . . . more of a risk, I guess. We made love and then I remade the bed. Both of us took showers. I gave Lloyd one of Daddy's robes to wear and we returned to the living room and curled up on the sofa, watching television again. We both fell asleep.

"Some time after midnight Daddy and Ariel came home and found us there."

"You're kidding!" Star exclaimed.

"Wow!" Jade said.

Cat looked frightened for me.

"Daddy was furious, of course. He said some nasty things to Lloyd and I said some nastier things to him. Ariel made some small attempt to calm things down, but Daddy's fury turned on her and she retreated quickly. Lloyd got dressed and left and Daddy called Mommy, waking her up to tell her what was going on. Of course, he blamed her.

"I didn't get much sleep. The next morning Daddy brought me home. Mommy was waiting in the living room. He hadn't been in the house since he had taken the picture of my room and was surprised at some of the changes, but this wasn't the time to talk about that He described what he had found when he and Ariel had returned to his apartment.