Cinnamon (Shooting Stars 1)

"I don't understand," Mommy said. "Where is she? What are we supposed to do now?"

Miss Hamilton shook her head.

"I don't know any more than you do. I'm sorry."

"This is a ridiculous way to treat people. Who does she think she is?" Mommy cried. "Hello! Anyone here?"

We waited a moment and then Mammy said. "Let's get out of here." We stepped out in the bright sunlight, all of us squinting.

"You were wonderful. Cinnamon," Mommy said. "If that woman had any insight, she would see it."

"Yes. you did great," Miss Hamilton said, "I'll call Edmond."

"Don't bother to waste your time and money," Mommy said. "She must be some kind of a nut or sadist. Let's have some lunch." she added. "and enjoy the rest of the day."

We did enjoy it. In the restaurant Mommy did an imitation of Madame Senetsky sitting in the rear of the theater. She seized her hair and pulled it up so tightly, her eyelids stretched. Miss Hamilton and I laughed. I knew the both of them were trying to make me feel better and I appreciated their efforts and pretended not to be bothered.

But I had left that theater feeling so exposed, so embarrassed. It was as if a doctor had asked me to undress and then left me naked in the examination room.

On the way home. Mommy and I decided we wouldn't tell Grandmother Beverly anything. If we did, she would just gloat and chant how right she was about such schools and why it was a great waste of time and money. We told Daddy I performed well and we'd see. but I had no hope. He wasn't feeling much better and went to sleep early that evening.

The next day Miss Hamilton called to tell me she had phoned Edmond Senetsky and he had told her that was the way his mother conducted her auditions. She didn't have the patience for small talk and she didn't see the point of conversation before or after the audition. The audition was all that mattered to her. As to my chances, he repeated his admonition that there were dozens of candidates parading past her this week. She had seen six the day I was there. In fact.

Early the following week. I completed my application to NYU and to some state schools the guidance counselor had recommended for me. I was busy studying for tests. Acting began to drift back toward that place reserved for fantasies and dreams in my mind. Every day I entered her class. Miss Hamilton's eves widened a bit in anticipation, but one look at my face told her I had no news, and soon she stopped anticipating any.

In the end Grandmother Beverly was probably right. I told myself. Just because she said everything in a hard, cold manner didn't mean it wasn't couched in truth. The thing is it was harder to accept reality when someone like Grandmother Beverly, unhappy with reality herself, presented it to you or forced it on you. What did she dream about now? I wondered. When she laid her head upon her pillow and closed her eyes, what helped her sleep? What were her secret wishes and hopes? Or was her head always full of warnings and skepticism, turmoil spiraling forever behind her closed eyelids?

"Pity her," Mommy kept telling me now. It was as though her bout with her own demon and trouble had made her a far more compassionate person, full of little mercies instead of little terrors. In my heart of hearts. I thought she might even pity Daddy if she knew what I knew.

She still suspected something. He was more distant with every passing day. I feared the coming of his confessions and what it would bring down on this fragile house and family.

And then the letter came, the letter that would force so much truth upon us we would nearly drown. Mommy was waiting for me in the Eying room with it when I came home from school. She called to me and she held it out. unopened.

"It's come," she said.

"Why didn't you open it?" I asked taking it from her.

"It's yours, honey, yours to open."

I tore the envelope and pulled out the papers.

The letter was so dripping with presumption and arrogance that I was sure it had either been written or directly dictated by Madame Senetsky herself.

Dear Ms Carlson:

You are to report to the Senetsky School of Performing Arts on July 7 at 10 A.M.

All tuition costs must be paid at that time.

Below is a list of required clothing and attached is a list of rules to follow while you are residing at the school. Any violation of any rule, no matter how small or insignificant it might appear, will result in expulsion and the forfeiture of tuition paid.

The contract is included and must be signed and returned by a parent or legal guardian within twoworking days of receipt of this letter.

Yours truly,

Madame Senetsky I handed it to Mommy and she read it quickly, burst into laughter and then stopped abruptly and considered.

"I don't know if she's a madwoman or what. She treats us like nothing and then accepts you."