"That makes her eyes too large."
"That's too much of a contrast."
"You're ruining the graceful line in her lips."
My face was smeared, painted, and changed so much, my skin began to feel raw. Finally, they all agreed on a shade of lipstick that flattered me and everyone decided the rest of my makeup should be subtle.
Misty wanted us all to wear our mythic clothes again, but Jade had a new designer dress she wanted to wear and she insisted I go with her and buy something new, just for the party.
"I always buy something new whenever there's an occasion," she told me.
She decided I looked very good in a black strappy gown, even with my leg in a cast. It had a low neckline, one that would have driven Geraldine to paint an A on my chest, but Jade insisted that I stopped being ashamed of what she called my "assets." In the end I relented and bought the dress.
Jade had brought over a selection of clothes for Star to try, and Star settled on a low cut Anna Sui dress, augmented by a push-up bra. Jade insisted she wear high-heeled sandals, which Star happened to have.
Misty was going to wear a tight Betsey Johnson mini- dress in a floral print with high-spiky heels. She had a pair of her mother's large gold loop earrings she wanted to wear, too. Jade thought they were boring, but Misty obviously still used her mother as a role model for some things and ignored the criticism.
Late in the afternoon of the day of our party, Jade insisted we go up to our special room to meditate. Just having the three of them around me, all of them talking, sometimes all at once, hearing their laughter while we primped and preened, made me feel comfortable and happy enough. Meditating seemed unnecessary, but Jade had this idea that under our "glossy, perfect surfaces," as she put it, "ran an undercurrent of nervousness and hysteria."
"We've all made good progress with Doctor Marlowe," she said, "but it would be foolish and naive of us to believe we were four stable females Each of us still has a stick of dynamite under our hearts and the wicks could be lit at any moment, sometimes because of the smallest, dumbest things."
She was talking mostly about herself, but it really did apply to each of us. No one objected or argued with her. We marched into the room quietly, all of us in our bathrobes. We had bought four thick white terry-cloth robes the day before at the department store, among other things, to always keep at the clubhouse, as my home was now called.
We gathered in a circle on the rug. Jade lit the candles and closed her eyes as she reached out for Star's hand and Misty's, who both reached out for mine. A continuous stream of New Age music ran under our thoughts. First, we had our long moments of silence, reaching deeply into ourselves, then Jade began a chant, a prayer, wishing for us to have happiness, to become free of our pasts, our demons, and shadows, to blossom and flourish in our renewed and newly nourished souls.
Afterward, I did feel as if all my fears and horrible memories had been driven down into some deep and dark vault inside myself, locked up and shut away so I could be free to be fresh and new and hopeful. As we started to dress, however, and I looked at the clock ticking toward the start of our party, I couldn't keep the tension and nervousness from crawling back into me.
"What does a boy expect from a girl the first time they meet like this?" I asked my far more experienced sisters. Everyone paused and, after glancing at each other, turned to me. Star was first.
"I'll tell you one thing, Cat. You don't throw yourself at him, even if he looks like Mr. Perfect. The more you hold back, the more they want you and the higher you go in their eyes. I didn't even kiss Larry good night the first night. I let him peck me on the cheek, but none of that suck face stuff minutes after 'How do you do?' "she advised.
"Oh, spare me," Jade said.
"I'm not lying." She nodded at me. "When I did kiss him, he thought it was gold," she said, smiling. "The more you like someone, the more you want him to respect you. Isn't that true, Princess Jade?"
Jade's skeptical smirk evaporated and she nodded.
"She's right," Jade said. "But, look, don't build this up too much in your mind. Try to relax and remember he'll probably be as nervous as you are, maybe more. You've got to project some confidence. Think about your smile. Make it small but soft and sincere. Don't laugh and giggle after everything he says. Boys can tell when you're trying too hard to please them and believe it or not, they think less of girls who do that. Not that they don't want to be pleased. They just want it to be sincere."
"Don't stare at him all the time, either," Star said. "Make him feel you're not even interested in him in the beginning. Make him work for it."
'The important thing is you've got to look confident even if you don't feel confident,' Jade said. "Walk with your shoulders back, like this" She demonstrated. "I took a whole course in charm," she added before Star could laugh.
"How is she gonna do that on crutches, Jade?" Misty pointed out. I could tell she was listening intently to their instructions too.
"Well, do the best you can," Jade told me, "and drop your eyes once in a while. Make sure you speak slowly and pause dramatically between sentences to hold his attention. And most important of all," she said, her own eyes small and determined, "if he isn't right for you or if he doesn't appear to care for you, don't let him see your disappointment, Cat. Keep your tears behind your eyes. Besides," she said with a laugh, "you don't want to smear your makeup."
"There's so much to remember," I complained.
They laughed.
"We're not saying you have to think abo
ut it like some lines in a play or something," Star said. "It'll all come naturally after a while."
"I'd kiss on the first date," Misty piped up, "if I wanted to and I liked the boy. It doesn't mean he'll think less of you," she insisted. "I might even do a little more."
"Oh, you would, would you?" Star challenged.