Star (Wildflowers 2)

"I know," she said softly. "That's why you're all here: to find an alternative to hate."

"Why do we need to?" Misty asked with that little sarcastic turn in her lips.

"Because I think you all know by now, that you can't hate your parents without hating yourselves:'

No one had to agree out loud. We could just look into each other's eyes and see that Doctor Marlowe was right.

2

" When Rodney began to crawl and then stand, things got worse because he was a curious baby from the start and he would get into places and things in a flash. One afternoon, I came home and found Momma had left him alone while she went out to get herself a couple of six- packs of beer. I guess he was asleep when she had left and she thought he'd be all right. I didn't know it, but she had left him alone many times before and once when she was with a girlfriend, Maggie Custer, they had left him in Maggie's car and a policeman had seen it and nearly arrested her.

"Anyway, this time Rodney woke up, crawled out of the cot-bed we now had for him and went looking for her. He wandered into the bathroom where Momma had left some of his rubber toys in the tub. There wasn't any water in the tub or he'd' a drowned for sure because he managed to fall into it when he tried to get to his toys. He hit his head on the faucet, I suppose. At first I thought Momma had taken him out with her because it was so quiet, but when I walked into the bathroom, I nearly jumped out of my skin. There he was lying on his back very still, his eyes wild and full of terror. I found out later that a head wound usually bleeds a lot, but at the time it turned my heart to stone. I saw all the blood around his head and I started screaming. I was familiar with calling nine-one-one by now. I told the operator my little brother had fallen and put a hole in his head. It didn't turn out to be that bad, but he did need ten stitches.

"The paramedics were there before Momma returned. She met one of her barfly friends who had talked her into just one drink at One-Eyed Bill's and she just forgot how much time went by, I imagine.

"The paramedics took him to the hospital emergency room where the doctor sewed up Rodney's wound. The paramedics wanted to know everything while a policeman went to fetch Momma. I had to tell them what had happened and they looked at each other angrily. When Momma arrived, she was fit to be tied that I had called them because they pulled her aside and gave her a what- for that spun her eyes. They threatened to tell the police and have someone from the Child Protection Service on her back if she let something like this happen again. They even told her she could go to jail for endangering the life of an infant.

"After we all got brought home, Momma started on me. Daddy came home right in the middle of it, saw Rodney and heard enough bits and pieces to realize what had occurred. I guess he knew about some of the other times, but he didn't get as wildly angry as I had expected he would.

"Instead, he got all quiet, this strange mood coming over him as if he was a clam or something and just closed up his shell. He looked at me and at Rodney and just sat with his eyes glazed while Momma went on and on like a worn CD, repeating her same complaints and trying to excuse herself.

"'Who do they think they are telling me I'm not a good mother just because I stepped out for a momen

t? Huh? Who knew he'd get up and walk himself into the bathroom and fall into the tub, huh? I'm no fortuneteller. I was coming right back. He was asleep. Who do they think they are reading me the riot act, huh?

"'Why are you just sitting there staring into space like that, Kenny? What's this act supposed to be. You trying to make me feel bad? You know what it's like being stuck here with an infant all day? I'm talking to you. I'm looking at you and I'm talking to you.'

"Daddy said nothing. Still looking dazed, he just got up suddenly and walked out of the apartment. Momma stood there with her hands on her hips, her mouth wide and her eyes blazing. He closed the door softly behind him.

"She turned to me and said, 'Did you see that? Did you?'

"My heart was thumping like a parade drum. I

couldn't speak or swallow.

"'Of all the raw nerve. . . Well, good riddance to

you too!' she screamed at the door. Then she opened

it, stuck her head out in the hallway and screamed it

again, but he was already out of the building. "I saw my daddy only once after that." "Saw him only once? What do you mean? Your

father just left you and Rodney for good?" Jade asked,

practically jumping out of her seat.

It was funny, but while I was telling them about

it all, I really did forget they were there. Something

like this had happened before, of course, but usually

only with Doctor Marlowe. My memories would get

so thick, they'd block out the present, where I was and

what I was doing. I felt like I had fallen back and I