"Go on, make fun of me, if you like, but I know I'm right," she insisted.
When Daddy was well enough to begin some therapy. I decided to meet with Balwin and go over my music. I still had my audition date for the Senetsky school scheduled. He and I practiced after school. It was very difficult for me to start again. It was as if we had never worked on the songs before. but Balwin was patient and kept giving me encouragement,
"Sometimes I think this is more important to you than it is to me." I told him.
He laughed.
"You just don't know yet how important it is to you," he assured me. "But you will. Someday, you will and then you'll be happy you did this. Ice,"
I smiled at him and then, almost as if it was a reflex action. I gave him a kiss. His eyes brightened like candles just lit.
"Tomorrow." he said. "I'd like to visit your father with you. I'll take you there after school," he said.
I thought that was very nice of him and when we arrived. Daddy was very happy to see him. They talked about music as if they had been old friends. Daddy was impressed with Balwin's knowledge of jazz. At the end, he thanked him for helping me.
"Your father's a great guy," Balwin told me. "I found it easier talking with him than I do with my own father," he added.
I felt sorry for him. At least I had someone who wanted the same things for me that I wanted for myself, someone encouraging me, standing beside me. Balwin was far lonelier than I had imagined. even lonelier than I was.
The next day Mama found out that Balwin had accompanied me to the hospital. She cross-examined Daddy about it and when I returned home, she started on me.
"What have you been doing with that fat boy?" she demanded.
"He's not a fat boy anymore. Mama. He's still trimming down nicely and--"
"Oh. I don't care about none of that. What's going on. Ice?"
Reluctantly. I revealed that our practicing for the audition had continued and she went off on me like she never had before, screaming at the top of her voice, tossing things around the kitchen, straining her neck and her eyes to the point of bursting blood vessels.
"First, where we ever going to find the money for such nonsense, and second, how am I supposed to handle your father with you gone. huh? You can forget all that talk about going to some fancy school and stop wasting everyone's time. Ice. I'm going to need you right here,"
I didn't argue with her, but that didn't stop her. She threatened to complain to Daddy about it. She even promised to tell him to stay in the hospital if I was going to leave for some school. Terrified of what damage she would do. I finally promised her I would stop practicing and cancel the audition. She was satisfied and calmed down, but slowly, muttering to herself almost until she fell asleep.
I told Balwin the next day. He tried to argue with me, but I wouldn't listen.
"We've only got one more week. Ice. Don't give up now." he pleaded.
I shook my head.
"It was silly of me to do this. Balwin, and wrong of me to waste your time too. I'm sorry. It's all so impossible, don't you see?'
"No." he said.
"Well it is," I told him and left.
I went home and put my music sheets away, took care of the chores in the house and made dinner. but Mama didn't come home for dinner. I ate alone. I thought she might have gone to the hospital and went as soon as I had cleaned up, but she wasn't there. I tried not telling Daddy about her, but he could read my face as if my thoughts were behind a glass wall.
"The woman's just frustrated," he said. "'Don't fret about her. She'll be all right once I'm out of here." he promised. "How's your work going with Balwin? It's getting close to that time. right?"
I called on all my powers to hide the truth, but the
re was something so strong between Daddy and myself that he could feel the vibrations in my body. His eyes grew small with suspicion.
"Ice?"
"It's foolish to waste time on something like this. Daddy. Where are we going to get the money and you'll need me for a while, Maybe--"
"Ice," he nearly shouted. He was in a wheelchair and we were in the corner of the recreation room in the therapy area. Some people looked our way for a moment. Daddy reached out and seized my hand.