Towers of Midnight (The Wheel of Time 13)

"Is that the reason for the glares?"

"Yes. But she will manage; she's actually good at the job. And if there's anyone I'd want you protecting, it would be Egwene. She deserves you."

"And what if I've decided I don't want her?"

Elayne reached forward, resting her hand on his arm. Her face framed in golden hair, topped by that matching crown looked concerned. "Oh, Gawyn. What has happened to you?"

He shook his head. "Bryne thinks I was too accustomed to succeeding, and didn't know how to react when things started to upend on me."

"And what do you think?"

"I think it's been good for me to be here," Gawyn said, taking a deep breath. Some women were walking along the path around the pond, led by a woman with bright red hair that was streaked with white. Dimana was some kind of failed student of the White Tower. Gawyn wasn't quite certain about the nature of the Kin and their relationship with Elayne.

"Being here," he said, "reminded me of my life before. It's been particularly liberating to be free of Aes Sedai. For a time, I was sure that I needed to be with Egwene. When I left the Younglings to ride to her, it felt like the best choice I'd ever made. And yet, she seems to have moved beyond needing me. She's so concerned with being strong, with being the Amyrlin, that she doesn't have room for anyone who won't bow to her every whim."

"I doubt that it's as bad as you say, Gawyn. Egwene . . . well, she has to put forward a strong front. Because of her youth, and the way she was raised. But she's not arrogant. No more so than is necessary."

Elayne dipped her fingers in the water, startling a goldenback fish. "I've felt the way she must be feeling. You say she wants someone to bow and scrape for her, but what I'd bet she really wants what she really needs is someone she can trust completely. Someone she can give tasks, then not worry about how they will be handled. She has enormous resources. Wealth, troops, fortifications, servants. But there's only one of her, and so if everything requires her attention directly, she might as well have no resources at all."

"I ..."

"You say you love her," Elayne said. "You've told me you're devoted to her, that you'd die for her. Well, Egwene has armies full of those kinds of people, as do I. What is truly unique is someone who does what I tell them. Better, someone who does what they know I'd tell them, if I had the chance."

"I'm not sure I can be that man," Gawyn said.

"Why not? Of all the men ready to support a woman of Power, I'd have thought it would be you."

"It's different with Egwene. I can't explain why."

"Well, if you wish to marry an Amyrlin, then you must make this choice."

She was right. It frustrated him, but she was right. "Enough about that," he said. "I notice the topic moved away from al'Thor."

"Because there was no more to say about him." "You have to stay away from him, Elayne. He's dangerous."

Elayne waved her hand. "Saidin is cleansed."

"Of course he would say that."

"You hate him," Elayne said. "I can hear it in your voice. This isn't about Mother, is it?"

He hesitated. She'd grown so good at twisting a conversation. Was that the queen in her, or the Aes Sedai? He nearly turned the boat back toward the dock. But this was Elayne. Light, but it felt good to talk to someone who really understood him.

"Why do I hate al'Thor?" Gawyn said. "Well, there's Mother. But it's not just her. I hate what he's become."

"The Dragon Reborn?"

"A tyrant."

"You don't know that, Gawyn."

"He's a sheepherder. What right does he have to cast down thrones, to change the world as he does?"

"Particularly while you huddled in a village?"

He'd told her most of what had happened to him in the last few months.

"While he conquered nations, you were being forced to kill your friends, then were sent to your death by your Amyrlin."