Killing Monica

“Invite you,” he hissed.

“Doug,” she said. “I honestly don’t care.”

“But I do. Because…” He paused and glanced around to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. “Because of SondraBeth.”

“It’s okay,” Pandy said patiently.

He shook his head. “It’s not. Because SondraBeth really believes she is Monica.”

Pandy laughed. “Well, she does play her.”

“You’re not hearing me,” he said. “That’s the whole point. She doesn’t think she’s playing her. She thinks she is her. She thinks she actually is Monica. In real life.”

“Oh,” Pandy said. She wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to do with this information. After all, there were plenty of stories about actors who insisted on staying in character for the length of a shoot, much to the annoyance and consternation of the other actors. “Monica is pretty appealing. Maybe she’s simply enjoying herself.”

“That’s just it,” Doug exclaimed. “She’s enjoying herself too much. I can’t get through to her. And I couldn’t invite you to the party because she would have freaked out. How can she be Monica when the real Monica—you—is there?”

“Maybe it’s just a phase,” Pandy said. “Maybe it’s—I don’t know…” She hesitated, grasping at straws. “Maybe you two will get married, have a baby, and she’ll grow out of it.”

Doug leaned back in his chair and guffawed, startling Pandy with his incomprehensible reaction.

“She’ll never have a baby.” He brought his chair down with a thump. “Not while she’s Monica, anyway. A baby would ruin her schedule.”

Doug sounded unaccountably bitter. “The other day she asked me to meet her in a shop in Soho, and I walk in and find out she’s in the middle of another fucking photo shoot.”

“It’s part of her job,” Pandy said, narrowing her eyes.

“No, it’s not. Not when you say yes to everything because you’re afraid it’s all going to go away.”

“So she’s scared.” Pandy shrugged. “Maybe you need to reassure her.”

“All I do is reassure her!” Doug snorted. “Every day, it’s ‘Am I pretty enough? Thin enough? What about my hair?’ It’s, like, twenty-four hours a day.”

Pandy smiled coldly. “She’s an actress, remember?” This whole conversation, she realized, was merely another scene to him. “I’m sorry. But your relationship isn’t really my concern.”

“But SondraBeth is.”

“I never even see SondraBeth anymore. Except at the occasional Monica event.” Where, Pandy now recalled, SondraBeth always cleverly managed to avoid being photographed next to Pandy. Pandy had suspected it was deliberate, but she had dismissed the thought as her own paranoia.

“I don’t think you get what I’m saying,” Doug said, looking meaningfully into her eyes. For a moment, Pandy wondered if he was actually flirting with her, thinking he might get her into bed for another meaningless fling. Even if she weren’t with Jonny, Pandy would never have stooped so low.

“What are you trying to say?” she demanded curtly.

“Only that you need to watch out. Look.” Doug brought his face close to hers. “I live with the woman, okay? She hates you.”

Pandy drew back in surprise. And then, recalling her last moment with SondraBeth, she became angry. “She has no reason to hate me. I’ve never done anything to her. Never said a bad word about her. Raved about her in the press. What could she possibly have against me?”

“Don’t you understand?” Doug asked. “Without Monica, who is she? Who is SondraBeth Schnowzer? Nobody cares about SondraBeth Schnowzer. They care about Monica. Without Monica, she’d have no life. She doesn’t exist. That’s why she hates you.”

Pandy looked around the room and suddenly realized that maybe SondraBeth had been right—she didn’t understand actors. And she didn’t belong here.

“You know what, Doug?” she said, gathering her things. “SondraBeth can have her. She can have Monica all to herself if she needs her that badly.”

And for a moment, as she stormed off, she felt good. But as each block clicked by on the taxi meter, the metronome of sadness in her heart also gave another tick.

Pandy looked out the window at the still-bright storefronts and sighed. Ever since she’d met Jonny, she’d been secretly hoping that she and SondraBeth could get over their stupid rift and become friends again. Maybe even revive PandaBeth.

Doug, however, had made it patently clear this was never going to happen.