But she was there to save her marriage, not ruin it. So she told the truth: “I thought he was the love of my life.”
“And why was that?” the shrink asked.
“We seemed to understand each other. I mean, it was like all I had to do was think about him and he’d be there. Like one time, there was this snowstorm, and Jonny showed up. With a prosciutto—”
“So it was the prosciutto that did the trick?” the shrink asked, in an attempt at levity.
“It’s always the prosciutto, Doc,” Jonny quipped.
And right on cue, the shrink laughed.
And then Pandy laughed. And since Jonny was already laughing, for the first time in a very long time, they were laughing together.
They talked a little more, and then the shrink put forth his theory. Here were two people who were used to admiration and respect. They were used to being known. Neither one of them considered themselves ordinary, but this was nothing exceptional because every person considers himself extraordinary. They believed in the fate of their own good luck, and that they deserved good fortune.
But then, real life intervened. After a while, the excitement about the marriage calmed down. It no longer caused so much attention, and then she and Jonny went back to doing what they did best: their careers.
And this was the problem. For a lot of couples, ambition and love didn’t go together.
The shrink told them to go home and talk about it.
Unfortunately, that conversation never happened, because Jonny had squeezed in the shrink appointment right before his flight back to Vegas. Pandy told him she didn’t mind, and gave him a long kiss goodbye. As she went into the loft, she looked around at the beautiful furnishings, at the kitchen, at all the things they’d managed to create together. She was suddenly convinced that she wanted her marriage to work. She would do anything to make it happen.
And then, after she and Jonny had a couple of long chats on the phone, she felt that there was really nothing wrong with their relationship that a little communication couldn’t fix. Perhaps they didn’t even need the shrink after all.
When Jonny returned home, it was he who insisted they go back. In their new spirit of communication, he said, “See? This is the problem I have with you. You say you’re going to do something for our marriage, and then you don’t.”
Pandy looked at him with tempered surprise, determined to make an effort to keep her excessive emotions in check, as the shrink had also suggested. “Everything I do is for our marriage,” she said quietly. While Jonny’s comment naturally reminded her of all the money she’d given him, she managed to stay calm.
Jonny did too. “I don’t care either way.” He shrugged and gave her a deliberate smile. “I’m only going along to support you. I know you want to fix yourself, and you need me there.”
Pandy was startled by his incomprehension. During their second shrink appointment, she brought up the fact that Jonny thought she was the one who needed “fixing.”
The shrink turned to Jonny. “Do you agree that this is the essence of your problem?”
“Well,” Jonny said, sitting back on the couch and jokingly stroking his chin. “I do think I was cheated. I thought I was marrying Monica. But I got her instead.”
Once again, they laughed. And once again, Jonny went back to Vegas.
But this time, Pandy was crying on the inside. What she wanted to say was, You thought you were marrying Monica. But instead, you married someone who ended up supporting your dream while losing her own.
Once again, she kept these thoughts to herself. She even reminded herself that if she wanted her marriage to survive, she was going to have to stop thinking about herself all the time.
* * *
Jonny returned to New York for a third session. This time, because they were doing so much better, the shrink gave them an exercise. They were to get to know each other better by exploring each other’s pasts. “You will go to each other’s hometowns. Like on The Bachelor,” the shrink explained.
Pandy and Jonny looked at each other. “New York City is his hometown,” she said.
“But what about Pandy’s hometown?” the shrink asked.
And suddenly, Pandy realized this was real.
And then she felt anxious.
Jonny would hate where she grew up. The house was filled with antiques. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Jonny would take one look at the place and assume she was rich. And then he’d ask for more money for his restaurant.
Which may have secretly been one of the reasons she’d avoided taking him there in the first place. In fact, during their marriage, she’d barely mentioned Wallis. It had come up a couple of times, but Pandy mentioned that there was no Wi-Fi or cell service. What Jonny didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, she’d thought.