“Home,” she says. Her eyes close.
“He was supposed to be my ride.”
Evie sits up and stares at me. “Guess you’ll just have to stay over.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You can use the shower first. You worked in the sun all day. Soap and shampoo are in there. I bought them today. Towels are under the sink.” She starts to clean up from our little party, throwing pizza boxes and empty beer cans in the trash. She takes out the cat food bag and shakes it, and both cats run into the kitchen, ready to eat. “You okay?” she asks me, as I stand there and stare at her.
I scratch my head. “Are you sure you want me to stay over?”
She shrugs again. “I don’t see why not. You can’t drive. I can’t drive. I already told Grandma I won’t be home tonight. I only have the one bed, but I promise to stay on my side.” She grins at me which makes me roll my eyes.
I look down at what I’m wearing. I’m filthy after working all day and then painting all night. I have a clean shirt in the car, so I need to go get it. “I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t get lost!” she calls to my back. “And don’t lie down in my azalea bushes!”
I shake my head as I walk out to my Jeep and get a clean shirt from the back. I get one more, just in case Evie doesn’t have clothes here. They’re just t-shirts I’d ordered with my company logo on them.
I walk back in and say quietly, “I guess I’ll go shower.” I jerk my thumb toward the bathroom.
She nods. I toss her a shirt, and it lands on her head. She lets it hang there until gravity has it falling into her hands. “For me?” she asks, as she hugs it to her. She studies the logo. It’s a very simple one that I made myself. She’s still staring at it when I walk away.
I take a quick shower and walk out in my boxers and the clean t-shirt. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Sorry I don’t have an extra bed.” She goes in the bathroom and closes the door.
I sit down and drop my face into my hands. We don’t have taxis, not even Uber or Lyft around here, or I would have already called for a car. I can’t believe Junior left me. I pick up the phone and text him.
Me: Some friend you are.
Him: I’m the best friend you ever had. You can thank me later.
I drag my hands down my face and press my lips together with a sigh. I lie back on the new sheets and pillows I know she just put on the bed today. I close my eyes. I only open them briefly when I hear Evie come out, and I shut them just as quickly when I see that the only thing she’s wearing is the t-shirt I just gave her.
“Are you asleep?” she whispers as she cuts out the light and gets under the covers. I feel the bed dip ever so slightly as she rolls closer to me. Her face is very close to my ear. “Hey, Grady?” She waits a beat. “I guess it’s good that you’re asleep,” she says, “because I need to tell you something.”
I don’t move. I force myself to breathe deeply and evenly.
“So here’s the thing, Grady.” She inhales deeply, like she’s fortifying herself. “I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you. I tried not to, and I know it’s not so convenient, and I totally understand if you can’t love me back. But I just needed to tell you how I feel. I’m glad you fell asleep before me so I could do it.”
She moves a little closer, and I feel her breath as it hits my ear. I say nothing. Because there are no adequate words to describe how her confession makes me feel. So I keep all my thoughts to myself as I lie there and wonder what the fuck I’m going to do about all this.
Because while she might think she loves me now, she could hate me just as much tomorrow.
19
Evie
I wake up the next morning to the sound and vibration of a running motor on my chest. I blink my eyes open and see a cat’s asshole directly in my face. The cat lies on my chest, staring down toward my feet, which puts her asshole right in my line of sight. So that’s how today is going to go? Okay…
Grady is sleeping next to me. He’s close enough that I could reach out and touch him, but I don’t. That would seem wrong. If I ever get to touch Grady, I want to be sure he’s awake and that he wants it.
I reach to pet the cat, and she spins around and shoves her head under my hand, her motor running like a tiny little chainsaw, her neck vibrating with pleasure. These cats have been alone for a long time. They love any kind of affection. You can just talk to them from across the room and see them relax. I think they were alone for too long.
When you’re alone for too long, it’s easy to seek comfort in various people even if they’re not good for you. I’ve done it myself. I’m made some shitty dating choices during my life, but then I found a sort of balance of alone-ness combined with the fulfillment of my work.
The cat butts her head against my chest, and I look down at my shirt. It’s the one Grady gave me last night to sleep in, the one with his company logo on it. It’s a terrible company logo as it has only the name of his company on it. There’s no branding or cohesion to it. I could do so much better if he’d let me.
I set the cat to the side and get up quietly so that I won’t wake Grady. I’ve learned that the older I get, the more I can’t sleep late after a night spent drinking. Grady’s sleeping on his back with one arm flung up over his head. I didn’t feel him move even once last night. One time I’d woken up with my face pressed against the outside of his arm, but I’d quickly moved away, back to my side of the bed.
My head gives a subtle throb as I get to my feet. I close the bedroom door behind me and tiptoe down the hallway to the bathroom. Then I go to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. Coffee first, then life. That’s my motto. I stand and watch the coffee drip, and an idea comes to me for Grady’s company logo. I get a scrap piece of paper from the kitchen drawer and draw out a simple design while the coffee brews. I smile as I look down at it. It’s good. So much better than what he has.