Feels like Home (Lake Fisher 2)

I had nodded and knocked back another whiskey. Then I heard Miles crying upstairs. “He wants a bottle,” I’d said. I started to get up, but I was already wobbly on my feet.

Eli got to his feet. “Sit down. I’ll get it.”

Eli went to the kitchen and made a bottle for Miles, and then he disappeared up the stairs. He’d held Miles all through the funeral today and had carried him around the whole evening, so I wasn’t worried about Miles being fearful of a new face. Miles rarely ever met a stranger, anyway. I heard Eli moving around with Miles and then I heard his voice as he sang a song to him that made me smile. Eli was a terrible singer. He always had been.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Jake had asked me, his voice quiet.

“I don’t want any of this, Jake. But this is what I’ve got.”

He’d squeezed my shoulder and left his hand to linger there. “This is going to work out, no matter what,” he’d assured me. He squeezed my shoulder again.

So now, when I see the lights go out next door at Eli and Bess’s cottage, I open my front door and step out into the darkness of my front porch. I can’t go too far because my kids are asleep inside. I sit down on the top step of the porch and rest my elbows on my knees. A gentle breeze teases the hair on my arms, and I close my eyes so I can enjoy it. It’s funny what makes you feel peaceful when you know your life is almost over.

A few minutes later, the whisper of feet in the grass gets my attention. Eli’s bulk settles on the top stair next to me. “So, we’re doing this?” he asks.

“Yep.” I kick at a piece of rock on the step, knocking it to the ground. “We’re doing this.”

“You want to tell me the plan?”

“Not sure I have one yet,” I admit. But I do. I do have a plan. I know exactly how this needs to go. I look at him. “You want to save your marriage?”

He nods. “I still love her. She just doesn’t love me back.”

“What did you do to make her hate you?”

He looks everywhere but in my direction. “I let her fall out of love with me.”

“Was there anything that started it?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing specific. I just let it die. I didn’t take enough care of it. Now she gets mad at me for breathing.” He heaves in a breath. “Are you sure you don’t want to just go with Jake? He might be the better choice.” His voice is quiet and heavy, and his hesitance hurts me deep inside.

“We’ll see,” I reply.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I have chemo tomorrow. While I’m gone, Gabby, Jake and Katie’s oldest daughter, is going to babysit. Come over while she’s here and help her with the kids. Take one of them fishing or something.”

“What about Bess?” he asks, his voice wary.

“I’m going to take Bess with me. To chemo.”

“Oh, okay.” He scratches his head.

I grin. “She’ll be ready to get away from you by breakfast time.”

He cocks his head to the side and shrugs like it’s inevitable. “Very true.”

“So, that’s our plan. Starting tomorrow.” I lumber to my feet and he sits there, not moving. “You okay?”

He nods. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Well, quit worrying. It’s going to work out the way it works out.”

“Okay.” He sighs heavily.

“Go to bed. My kids will exhaust you tomorrow, even with help.”

He snorts out a laugh. “They can’t be that bad.”