“What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
He sits up and leans toward me. “It does matter, Bess. It matters so much.”
“The fault was mine. I put up these barriers that he couldn’t get through.” I let out a huff. “Is that what you want to hear? That my marriage failing was all my own fault?”
“No, Bess,” he says slowly. “I want to hear you come up with ideas about how to fix it.”
Another huff. “I don’t want to fix it!” I say so loudly that the people around us look over, so I lower my voice. “It’s too late to fix it.”
“It’s not too late.”
“It is.” I glare at him. “And I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
He glares at me and then he gives up. I can see his capitulation when his body relaxes. “So, what do you want to talk about, then?”
“Well…” I pick the thing I think will bug him the most. “The first time you and Lynda had sex, she said it was terrible. God-awful. A horrible experience.”
He picks up some paper from next to him, balls it up, and throws it at my head. “Those are fighting words, Bess.” But he’s grinning too.
“Just telling you like it was, bestie.” I pick up the wadded paper and throw it in the nearby trashcan.
He finally says, “It was…quick.” He snaps his fingers. “Like that.”
“Wait,” I say, not sure what he’s talking about. “What was quick?”
He chuckles. “Our first time. I didn’t last for shit.” He starts to guffaw. “I came in about two seconds.”
I grin. “She was pretty let down. Not going to lie. She called me at school to tell me all about it.” I think about it for a minute. “That was freshman year of college, right?”
“Yep. Our first taste of freedom.”
“She called me and said, ‘It wasn’t at all like the romance novels make you think it’ll be!’ And then she started to cry.” As heartbreaking as it was when it happened years ago, I can’t keep from laughing about it now.
Aaron shakes his head as if dislodging an unpleasant memory. “She just laid there, her big eyes blinking at me, looking so let down. I ran off to the bathroom to lick my wounds and figure out how to make her forget what just happened. I heard her on the phone with you. I was terrified to come out of the bathroom, so I huddled there on the floor next to the door and listened as you talked her through it.”
“I told her that you were probably just nervous.” I snort out a laugh. “First time jitters and all that.”
“I got better at it.” He smirks at me, pure male ego.
“I know. She told me that too.”
“In fact I got better at it that same night. A couple of times.”
“I know that too. She called me the next morning and told me everything.”
He fakes a gasp and lays his hand on his chest. “Is nothing sacred?”
“Between friends? Not a fucking thing,” I reply.
21
Eli
When Bess and Aaron get back from chemo, it’s all Aaron can do to get out of the car. “Do you need a hand?” I call out, as I see Bess slip under his arm as he wraps it around her shoulders. He leans heavily on her as she helps him take a step, and she props him up against the side of the car so she can close the car door.
I walk over toward them, and Aaron gives me a sad grin. “Her driving doesn’t get any better, does it?” he asks. He looks a little green, his eyes watering, and then I realize he got sick on the way home, because it’s all over his shirt.