What She Didn't Know (What She 1)

But Shelly didn’t further my relationship with Lynn. She couldn’t. “I just never had feelings for her. That’s all.”

“But you had feelings for the rest of us.”

“Have feelings, Charlie. Not past tense. Or I wouldn’t be here. You should know this much about me.” My gut churned with my admission. I was married to Lynn, but I knew what I felt for the others was real. I just didn’t know how to process that in my head. I didn’t know how to make it all right. I didn’t know how to get rid of the guilt that came with loving four women, all at the same time, for very different reasons.

Ash needed for me to love her. She needed to feel cherished.

Jamie needed someone who saw who she really was, beyond the scars.

Charlie needed someone who could take charge of her, so she could give up control. Control was a powerful aphrodisiac, and most people sought it. But not Charlie. Charlie took pleasure in giving it away.

“I love Lynn,” I said simply. “She is the love of my life.”

“I know.” Charlie took a deep breath. “I stayed away because I was worried you were struggling with that.”

“What about you, Charlie? What did you need?”

She shook her head. “I needed for Lynn to be okay. That’s all I’ve ever needed.”

How did Lynn ever find four such loyal friends, and a husband who was so easily tempted to fuck them all? Well, except for Shelly, and she didn’t really count.

“Does Lynn know about me?” I suddenly asked.

“What about you?” Charlie held her breath.

“About me and you and Ash and Jamie.”

“Jesus, Mason. You make it sound like we had a foursome. Can you even tell where one of us stops and the other starts?” Her voice had a bite to it.

I grabbed her and jerked her onto the bed, making her fall across me. She rolled to a stop and I covered her body with mine. “I’ve always known who was who. Always.”

“I believe you.” She nodded. “It’s just so hard. I have a feeling things are going to change, and I’m already missing you, Mason.” Her voice cracked and she blinked back tears.

“You’re coming back, right?” I rushed to ask.

She shook her head. “I can’t be certain.”

I stared down at her. She’d never shown emotion like this. Passion? Desire? Want? She’d shown me all of those, but never emotional hurt. “I would miss you if you were gone.”

She leaned up and kissed the tip of my nose. “I know.” She reached over and grabbed the remote. “You want to watch a movie?” She shoved me off her and I rolled, arranging the pillows under me.

“Sure.” I pulled her to lie across my chest. After the movie, we fell asleep wrapped up in one another, and when I woke up, she was gone.

She’d sneaked out like a thief in the night. And this time, instead of leaving me wondering when she’d be back, she left me with a fear that she never would.

20

I spent the rest of that week out looking for Lynn. I visited the hospital, because I knew if she showed up anywhere, it would be there. She didn’t have a degree in medicine like I did, but she did a lot of work for the hospital, both volunteer work and paid work. She was a fixture at my parents’ clinic, and the patients relied upon her. I had a feeling she wouldn’t stay away from them for long, but I was wrong. She hadn’t been to the clinic. She hadn’t been anywhere. It was almost like she’d vanished off the face of the earth.

“Mason,” Mom said, jerking me out of my musing.

“Yes?” I replied absently, getting up to stare out the window of her office, where I could see the hospital grounds.

“It might be time to call the police, Mason,” Mom said. “She’s never been gone this long. Not without sending her friends around to check on you. She’s gone silent, and that’s not like her.”

If I called the police, I’d have to explain everything. I’d have to go through all the red tape, and I’d have to answer a ton of questions about Lynn and my relationships with her friends. The police would dig up everything, and it would become a big deal. Lynn valued her privacy.

“I keep thinking that Ash will show up.” I stared down at the courtyard. A gentle rain had just begun to fall.