I nod emphatically. “Yes, of course.”
She goes out the door and leaves me with Laura and Gabby.
Laura walks over to Gabby. “Let’s give your mom a few minutes, okay?”
Gabby stares at me long enough to be sure I’m all right. Then they leave. They leave me alone with the letter.
I lift my perfectly manicured fingernails to my lips and chew on them, as I pace back and forth across the room. The letter seems to stare at me.
I pick it up. For Katie, on the day she remarries is written in Jeff’s chicken-scratch on the outside.
I put it back down on the table. I don’t want it.
I pass by it about a hundred more times, and then I finally pick it up, tear it open, and with shaky hands I pull out the single sheet inside. I sink down onto the sofa, because my legs are too wobbly to hold me up any longer.
Dear Katie,
If you’re reading this, then today is the day you’re marrying another man. Don’t worry—this isn’t a sad letter, and I have no sad intentions as I sit and write it.
Last night, the Hum-V in front of us went up in flames and we lost seven members of our team. Some of them were fathers and mothers, some were sons and daughters, and still others were husbands and wives. No matter who they were, they were loved by someone, and someone has suffered a great loss. It made me think about all the things I would want to say to you, if you were ever forced to go on without me. It probably won’t happen—I pray it won’t happen—but I want to be prepared.
If you’re reading this, you have trusted someone enough to accept his proposal, and you loved him enough to let him into our children’s lives. You are the best mother in the world, and you have good judgment when it comes to people. If you’ve gotten this far, you know you’ve made a good choice. If you ever doubt it, please know that I don’t doubt it for a second.
My suggestions to you:
1. Love him fiercely and with all your heart. The love you have for him will be different from the love you have for me. You don’t have to separate the two.
2. We have seventeen years of happy memories. Cherish them, but don’t let them smother the love you have for him. Don’t let them be the weeds that choke out the light. Let them be the fertilizer that will help your love grow.
3. Forgive easily. I know it’s hard, and I know your temper even better than you do. You get angry quickly. Forgive him just as quickly, and hopefully he will return the favor.
4. Let him lead our children when he can. Let him be more to them than a playmate. Let him be a father. He won’t take my place, but he can take his own place with you and with them—you just have to let him.
I love you more than you can ever imagine. And it’s my love for you that made me write this letter to you, because when I can no longer make you happy on a daily basis, I dearly hope that someone else can.
Love him fiercely, Katie, as I have loved you.
Until we meet again,
Jeff
51
Jake
“Hey, Jake,” Fred calls from the other room. I fiddle with my tie and then I finally give up and turn to Pop so he can tie it for me.
“What?” I yell back to Fred as Pop tries to fix the mess I’ve made.
Fred walks into the room. I did miss the big lug during the months when we weren’t talking. It has been nice having him here this summer. We’ve had time to mend the tears and find a new normal for us.
“Some guy just left this for you.” Fred tosses an envelope at me. Pop catches it and reads the outside. He nods his head at Fred.
“Let’s give him a few minutes of peace, shall we?” Pop says.
“Who’s it from?” I ask, as Pop places the letter in my hand.
“I’d wager it’s from Katie’s late husband,” Pop says quietly. Then he drags Freddy and Alex from the room.