Me: Until I met you.
Lark McCapSnatcher: I want kids. Someday. A little girl so I can coach her softball team. Or a boy who will love books the way I do. Or they could switch up those gender roles. I wouldn’t care.
Me: Are we going to get to have another date anytime soon?
Lark McCapSnatcher: I think we’re past that. Got to go.
Me: TTYL.
Three hours later, I get a text from her.
Lark McCapSnatcher: Are you aware that I’ve never actually had sex?
Me: What?
Lark McCapSnatcher: I’m like totally a virgin.
Me: Okay…
Lark McCapSnatcher: But now that I took off my gloves, all I can think about is taking off the rest of my clothes. With you.
Me (My dick goes hard.): Are you drunk?
Lark McCapSnatcher: Very.
Lark McCapSnatcher: And horny.
Lark McCapSnatcher: My sister is taking my phone away. TTYL!
Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow.
Friday morning, she texts me again.
Lark McCapSnatcher: I’m so sorry.
Me: For what?
Lark McCapSnatcher: For subjecting you to my drunken ramblings.
Me: I liked your drunken ramblings.
Lark McCapSnatcher: You did?
Me: Yep. Lots.
Lark McCapSnatcher: Even the part about me being a…virgin?
Me: Hey, you can talk to me about the state of your vagina any time you want.
Lark McCapSnatcher: I thought maybe it would scare you off.
Me: Nothing you could do would scare me off. I do wish you’d go out with me sometime soon, though. I miss you.
Lark McCapSnatcher: You just miss your cap.
Me: Nope. It’s you. All you.
Me: I got to go. Client’s waiting. TTYL?