Dirty Princes (Hot Candy 3)

I lift the potato to my mouth, bite into it.

“You’re very quiet lately,” my father says. “Something is on your mind.”

“No, sir.”

“It wasn’t a question.”

Are those flurries of snow swirling outside the crystal glass?

“Your doctor,” my father says, “has told me that you haven’t been in for a check-up in the past six months.”

I tear my gaze from the falling snow, real or imaginary, to look at him. “You interrogated my doctor?”

He huffs. Pats his mouth with a napkin. “Interrogated. I asked, that’s all. Just making sure you’re not neglecting yourself.”

I take a calming breath. “I’m fine. No need for a check-up. I’m careful.”

“Careful? You mean you’re not living.”

What the hell?

I swallow the angry words. “I live my life. You taught me to be careful.”

“I may have done too good a job.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” Distantly I hear my fork clatter on my plate.

“Calm down, Ryan.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” My linen napkin has fallen. I gather it up again, my hand shaking. “I’m calm.”

He doesn’t comment on this blatant lie.

Good.

I try to return to my lunch, but it’s useless. Not only can’t I work up any appetite, controlling the urge to throw my fucking plate against the wall is taking up all my concentration.

A fork clinking against a china plate. A tiny creak of a chair. A grandfather clock ticking away the minutes and the hours.

The days.

“Your mom,” my father says, “would have wanted you to have a full life.”

“Yeah, well, she’s dead, so that’s all bullshit.”

“Goddammit!” He slams his hand on the table. “Ryan Prince Dawson, that’s not the way to talk to your father.”

I throw the napkin on my plate, on top of my mostly untouched food, my heart doing a funny triple beat that scares me. “You know what? I’m not hungry anymore. Have a good day.”

“Don’t you just walk away like that.”

The fuck I’m not. I’m out of here like a bat out of hell.

***

Never argued with my father like that. The weight on my chest lingers the following days.

If I’m completely honest with myself, it’s been there for a while now.